New painting.    2003-01-31 20:34:20 ET
Well, well... it had been quite a while since I didn't updated my gallery; ok then, like I had said before, I was painting something and but hadn't finished yet until about 2 weeks ago... I just forgot to scan it and put it here in my gallery, actually this one wasn't scanned but taken a pgoto with digicam. Anyway, go see it, I called it:
The Night.

To say truth, it didn't come up very well like I expected, but damn, I'm not very used to painting yet; so for now I'll be concentrating in another drawing like the regular others (letter size with ink pen, black and white), and with this one I've been scaning it while I continue drawing it, and so far I have this, then I can someday in future make like a collage of how it evolved... we'll see how it gets at the end.

 Obnoxiousness    2003-01-28 20:24:36 ET
Ugh... last day I took a nap and when I woke up O felt like so fucking pissed of sad, I couldnít tell for sure until I started watching everything was around me... I turned on the tv and there is was this pissing show of Dawsonís creek and immediately turned it off, then there was this fucking ass shit music on the radio, then some notes on the newspaper about more hollywoodish people and pop singers and shit. I went out and everywhere around I saw a bunch of cocky ass shit prep and snobbish kids, and on the news on tv more and more shit, and a bunch of assholes giving their opinions like if they were super gods or something... fuck, I felt so fucking wanting to die! Itís horrible how there is so much shit to be pissed off arghh... bleh, I felt like just puking for seeing thing around me, which made me feel so damn alone and fucked up.

 What the fuck?    2003-01-19 16:50:01 ET
You know you must have to have seen at least one What-the-fuck thing someday. Well, last Friday I was on the bus and behind me there was this really insane man, he was all dirty and talking like if he were drunk, the really weird was that he kept asking to another man near to him if he wanted to be burn... yes burn!!, he was really nuts, was asking all over again to the man ďhey, man, do you want me to light you up? Címon man, I know you want to, huh? So? Do you want me to set you on fire? Huh? Why no? yeah, címon, I know you want to? Címon, címon, I know you want to be burn, wha? Are ya afraid? Yeah, youíre afraid... nah, you want to be on fire huh?, I have a lighter, let me burn you know, huh? Come on, now, yeah do you want to be burn? Yeah, do you want to?...Ē he kept asking the poor man near him the same question for about 15 minutes... 15!!! It was really weird, I guess this is the What-the-fuck of the month now.

 Andante.    2003-01-15 21:04:22 ET

Last night I watched a movie, then took a shower and went to try to sleep but I couldnít sleep well, so today I woke up at 6:00 am, got dressed up and went to some place to finish dealing with some issues... and I knew she was going to be there too, she, the girl Iíve been writing a few times here, some girl I saw since more than half a year ago and I decided to draw her and give her the drawing that then she had been emailing me and I replying as well; her name is Kathy, I had been trying to met her but every time I tried to go to her I got scared and my shyness always took me away, yet the last week I was really pathetic at it. So today was another chance (if not the last one) to try to see her. I knew she was there, so was I.

I finished doing my stuff; I watched her from far... I stared, I didnít dare to go, she was with some friends around, so I just looked from far. Then while I was doing other stuff (just wasting my time) I saw her finally leaving... alone was she, my opportunity it was. I followed her by the same track she always took to take the bus and go. So she finally got to the corner of the bus stop, I was crossing the street barely looking to the sides because I was still staring at her, yet I was so fucking nervous, so damn scared and afraid... then I got to the corner, I had the folder with the drawings in my right hand. The first thing I did... I didnít even say a word... I only extended my arm to give the folder to her, she looked at me very confused and I said ď, for you...Ē, she still was confused until she opened the folder and saw the drawings I made of her, she smiled and said ď...oh, finally, you had taken long, boy...Ē, from many emails I wrote to sending drawings and such, she finally knew who I was. ďWhat do you think?Ē I asked her; ďwell, I like it, theyíre niceĒ she said and gave back the folder to me, I said I was giving them to her but she said that those were mine and I answered that it was a gift to her, so she took out another bigger folder from her bag pack and put them there.
We were then like 5 seconds in silence (I just didnít know what to do) until she said ďso, why hadnít you talked to me before?Ē, I was astonished and said ďI... uhm,, well, because I didnít have the drawings carrying with me then...Ē ...what kind of a fucking answer was that?! Oh such an asshole I was. Well, the she replied ďoh, so had to have the drawings so you could talk to me?Ē, ď...uhm, no, well, I... think so, I, mmh yeh?Ē, ok now anyone could say I was really intimidated, I was stuttering. She then said ďLet me guess, youíre some serious person, are you?Ē, ď...uhm, I... I guess so...Ē, ďwell, do you have something else to say? Iím better doing questionsĒ she said and she started asking me some stuff, like why did I like to draw, since when did I started liking it, and she was amazed when I told her that I lived in Sweden when I was very young because she said that she also went there last summer for vacations... well, thatís something in common now, huh? Then I also commented her that I was studying violin, and she said that she also had a particular interest in this instrument but that their parents didnít let her learn to play it before because it was too expensive (I didnít know where) but that she did like this kind of music so I suggested that this Friday the chamber orchestra that I normally like to go to listen would be starting their season of concerts, but she said she seems always to be busy to go, she did seem interested in going though. She kept doing me other questions, I donít remember exactly, I did remember that in one of the emails se once sent she said se was going to charge me for the drawings (just kidding I guess), and there she asked me who was the one that was going to charge for it because she had forgotten, I told her that she should charge me for it for she is the model of my drawings, and she smiled...
Anyway, in the few moments I was actually talking to her I always looked so nervous and shy... woe is me, my hands and even my teeth were trembling so that she even asked if I had cold (I didnít have cold, I was just nervous). Damn, I think I did look so fucking pathetic in front of her, I didnít know what to do, I was either looking at her shoulders, her shoes, the street, her hands, glancing up many times to her face to see her eyes, she had some cute eyeliner I liked, but still, I was scared that she might be getting sick of having some loser in front of her. Anyway, a bus came by and she said that she had now to go and I told her that I was going to draw her once more, she said goodbye and left; I stood there for another 10 seconds and then I also parted away back home.

All the way back home, I kept most of the time my head down only thinking of what had happened, thinking that Iím not good at all... at anything, I just suck, I donít have much that she might like of me... but I feel like dead anyway, so Iíll probably be risking myself once more... I... Iím not sure if Iím more scared now or not. But, again, I do know that I donít know what to do.

 Lain    2003-01-13 20:07:49 ET
I forgot to say that a few days before the holidays I finally finished watching ďSerial Experiments LainĒ and I must say that I loved it! Itís awesome! If you havenít seen it go see it now, now! The only thing that bugs me is how many people is comparing it with the movie ďMatrixĒ which to my opinion is a lame movie in the plot sense, it may have pretty visual effects and such, but if you want to compare it with Serial Experiments Lain, then, Matrix is really piece of Hollywoodish waste of shit! Yes, if youíre one of those rivetheads or not who adore that movie, let me tell you that it is not that good, by the contrary Lain is awesome, it has a really intelligent and clever plot, very well directed, interesting mental suspense on it, and foremost, enjoyable.

I only say this because Iíve seen that there are many people who think that Matrix is a huge awe and dare to compare it with Serial Experiments Lain, so that if you want to compare it, my choice is definitely Lain, if not, just thing of Matrix as another movie about something else, and enjoy better Lain.

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