Candles off.    2002-10-16 07:51:39 ET
I think people sometimes over exagerate about someone's birthday, it isn't big deal for me, it's just a day in which many years ago something else happened, so, more than a day for me, today, October 16th, is my Birthdate.

 Current topics for the moment.    2002-10-12 22:10:33 ET
Warning: Another boring long entry below.

1. So this week I started listening again to some metal songs and bands... I tell it this way because lately I had been listening to only classical music and maybe some soundtracks, that I forgot that I also love metal; I mean, I love classical as well, I enjoy practicing the violin but I still and will still liking metal, so I downloaded some songs from some bands, that sounded good to me, like Otep (for the heavy stuff) and Tristania (for the darkish stuff), besides I played on my CD player the CD of Opera IX again, which is damn good as hell, really it’s been like 10 months now since I first listened to it and I love it so much, that is really one good example of metal, the whole album the Black Opera in spite that it only has 7 tracks is one of my very favorites now, because it’s not for anyone that is used to the common songs of verse/chorus/verse/chorus, etc, no man, this one all their tracks are an average of 7 minutes each and they all sound very good, every single song is really good and always have the main metal sound, besides maybe what is the most remarkable of it is that the last track is a cover of one very known song, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead”, yes, that song, very well known for many from the legendary gothic band Bauhaus, is also played in that album... but with a very metal sound on it, so if anyone have heard the original this one may sound nice too, just in a metal version. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I returned listening metal again because I was losing the path of it and now I need to seek for more music.

2. This Friday I went to another opera, it was called “Marina”. It was very wonderful too. This has been now my second opera I assist to, and of course I remembered of the time I went to the first one some months ago in which I saw that gothic girl I was like following just to see her... sighs here, O how it remembered to me that moment... but, I think that issue is dead now because after sending some few emails to her asking if I could ser her someday she hasn’t answered and it has passed too long, so maybe that issue is over, I'm not sure... anyway, back to the opera; This one was a bit shorter than the first one and this one was in Spanish but I couldn’t understand all of it because you know how the singers sing in some loud tones that it’s hard to recognize a word sometimes, but the plot was easy, it was about some lady who was in love of a captain of a ship that had been like friends to her since kids, but another guy was also in love of her, and wanted to marry and stuff; at the end the captain and the lady did get together though. The funny is how when it was over most of the crowd applauded too much for one actor that made the play of a drunk guy who was part of the act, but anyhow everyone were very good and I enjoyed. Now the next Sunday there will be two thing I’d like to assist; first at morning, a string quartet playing several melodies of chamber music, then at night there will be a classical concert from another symphony (different from the one I’ve been assisting to) that apparently comes from Vienna from the “House of Mozart” of something like that, due to many cultural events that will be going on these days, I hope I can go to see those, it will be very exiting.

3. I remember that about 2 months ago I was in a bus and when I look through the window there was this very crazy dude running in the street in the middle of all the traffic. It was very funny, he looked like a homeless person jogging just like that with the flow of all cars besides him, he really seemed to be mental ill because he was acting very strange, even the police came over to see what was that about but then the guy ended up by taking the sidewalk or just taking another way, all the people was looking at it very amused, it was funny though. Anyway, the night I was coming out from the opera I saw that guy again. Jogging through the street again, all dirty and crazy, it was like... wow!

4. So, this Saturday I went again to my violin classes and there wasn’t our teacher Susy again... too bad, but instead we had again this other girl taking care of us, which was bad though, because this other girl is very friendly I think, I mean, she is very encouraging sometimes. When I finished doing one exercise and I played to her so she could tell me how I was going, she told me “very good!”, can you believe it? No one had told me that... like that! The other teachers, even Susy had told me something like “very well”, “ok, nice”, “fine, you may pass to the next exercise”, but this one told it to me like that smiley and joy pronunciation... like if I was some kid doing something that an adult told me to do... “oh, very good!”, I have to admit it felt nice, besides as I was saying in a previous journal entry she is very pretty too, I think her eyes and cheeks make a very nice combination, and what I amused me this time was that she was dressing very sporty and had a ponytail which looked also nice... well, well, I’m talking about aesthetic again, so don’t get me wrong, she might not be very good ‘directing’ the rehearsals with us, but she was somehow very encouraging while taking the lessons, anyhow, she told me that probably next Saturday the other teacher would be coming back again, that they were out because they were playing in other cities for some events, so this means that hopefully we’ll get to have Susy back next week, that’s nice. Oh!, One other thing, at the institute of the classes there I saw this teenage girl, apparently taking guitar lessons, that took my attention how she had many wrist bracelets on both hands, she didn’t seem to be any ‘subcultural’ thing, she was wearing like a light orange t-shirt but also some baggy and torn pants and tennis shoes, which looked cute to me... but the thing I was looking the most was how in her left hand, besides the bracelets, she had like some black threads crossing through her fingers and down to her wrist to mix it with the other bracelets, in a way that looked cool, I don’t know how to explain it, it was very ‘attractive’ to me, I kind of reminded me one of those gauntlets (fingerless gloves) that some gothic girls like to wear, but this was different it was only threads.

5. Well, I don’t know exactly why but lately I’ve been feeling really depressed at nights. Been feeling too down. I’ve been trying to do some drawings and some sketches, and all of them go very wrong! I just feel like nothing I do is good either for me or for anyone, I really don’t find many thing that make feel encouraged... and it’s not like all the day, it mainly happens me at nights, I wished how I could just go to sleep and don’t wake up again.... just thinking and thinking, really, who cares for me? I’ve been thinking, I think not much will change for drastically if I were gone, I mean, I can’t recall if there’s anyone who depends on me or that truly wants me for something... all that, or even yet, feeling lonely surrounded by people is so different to me, ugh, I don’t know, I just have been feeling to lame this week... this weak.

 Hard to read well.    2002-10-09 11:10:08 ET
Well, yesterday was raining at night, it felt nice, there were a few thunderbolts and many lightings, the water was slowly running through the glass of the window, it feels nice having this kind of weather since it doesn’t happen very often. I also got thinking in some very weird, crazy ideas about death, but I don’t feel likely to talk about that in this moment. Instead a was thinking of how is it that I have a really bad concentration when reading, bloody damn me, I can’t seem to focus on lectures when reading like everyone else. I start reading something, then ironically if I found something interesting in the lines that I just read I then start thinking about it while still reading the next lines, until then I realize that what I’m reading isn’t making any sense due to I wasn’t putting attention to it… I was reading it and yet thinking in something else; so I come back to where I remember I started loosing it to read it again now putting attention, but still, if may happen this to me again about 5 or 6 times in one single paragraph… when I’m feeling mind-loose.
And I don’t know why but even with the lectures I like and enjoy this problem happens. So reading again some few lines of any text becomes annoying sometimes… I mean sometimes, because there are other few times when I can read carefully to something. So yes, concentrating in reading has always been a problem, I guess that’s why I liked first math and drawing… in math it doesn’t matter how you read it, its universal meanings are constants, and drawing because I do nothing but crazy stripes and figures on a paper. But this doesn’t mean I despise reading, I like it, though miserably I don’t have much easiness.
1 comment

 Direction?    2002-10-05 19:34:08 ET
Today, Saturday, I went to my violin lessons, but the teacher who normally takes care of us, Susy, didn’t show up so we had this other teacher, a girl too, maybe a little older than Susy and was like a common girl, though she was mmh... pretty, but not in the way Susy is, she was just another mainstreamed one from many others out there, besides the way Susy teaches and corrects us is way much better, because when we start the rehearsal and she was ‘directing’ us... oh, damn I must say (if by chance for duty?) that she sucks, no, really she was just there constantly saying “well, well, we’re getting better, but uhm we need to practice more” and again we started but then she got distracted or just sat there and didn’t put attention to us until it finally was clear that we were going wrong. And another thing, this other guy who is also in the second violin like me is just telling everything like if he was the best of us or something, I mean, he starts playing in pauses when we’re resting a bit and he plays a part that is supposed to be fast but not SO much and he’s playing it very fast and going faster, I suppose he’s like practicing the part but, we the fuck does he have to do it faster? And also, he’s always talking in a way trying to be funny, you know, like trying to get along with everybody... but he hasn’t spoken to me really that much, heh, I guess because I’m from the few that just stays still until the director tell us what to do and not chatting too much... whatever.

So, as I was saying this girls wasn’t putting too much attention and when she did she wasn’t that good to be sincere; Susy was more serious, she did corrected us and made us stop every time we went wrong, but this other one didn’t; but then, like 15 minutes before ending the rehearsal, this other guy came, called Daniel, who was another instructor and an integrant of the same group Susy and this girl are, and he also has been in contests and national bands or something, I mean he is like one very good violin player from there, and he told her if she wanted to rest a bit meanwhile he directed us... oh man, he just put everything in order! He’s damn good as hell! He not just plays the violin very well, but I think he also has studied music theory, direction, and stuff, so he was very serious when directed and very firm to the movements and indications, I mean, he fixed up the thing very well, we did start to play better. Man, and I he’s still a teenager, I’m not sure of his age, I’ve heard he’s like 15 or so. Very well, I just hope now that for the next Saturday this guy, Daniel, or Susy is with us. Not that I despise this other girl,’s just that these other guys are better.

 2 am    2002-10-02 22:17:20 ET
I can’t sleep, so I decided to write some stuff. I’m an idiot, I can’t sleep not because I have insomnia or something, I think it’s because I sleep too much in evenings and then at night I can’t sleep at good hour. Blah, whatever, I can’t sleep right now. Anyway, so I shall describe a bit what’s been lately.

Saturday, I went to my violin lessons at 10 am to 1 pm because -I don’t remember if I said before- now I’m taking rehearsals with other students that also finished viewing the first book to form a single group to play some melodies, and so far we’ve only practiced one called “Skater’s Waltz” and a part of “Spring” from the Four Seasons of Vivaldi, but we’ve been doing... not so well, whatever, I do get tired, my fingers really hurt a little after that. But that’s good, it’s well known for some things that the more it hurt the more it has results from learning, we’ll see.
Sunday, I went to a classical concert of a string quartet, they normally play about every 2 or 3 Sundays and this time they decided to play several themes from the so called seventh art, that is, cinema, movies. The play mostly themes composed by Henry Mancini, who composed the “Pink Panther” theme, the “Elephant’s step”, “Peter Gunn” theme and others; they also played a selected track from the Titanic soundtrack too, some memorable songs of the opera “Carmen” and a tango, but the one that I really enjoyed the most was definitely the “Love theme of The Godfather, oh man that was awesome! Definitely beautiful, if you haven’t heard it I really, really recommend it, that’s totally a classic one now.

Anyway, I think that’s all I have to say for the moment, lets see if I can get some sleep now.

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