got a lap top!    2008-07-11 05:35:51 ET
So Now I have internet again.

Time is not my own. If I am not working at the tea shop, I am working for the church. I have no friends. Because of our commute and I the one car situation, Gas being too much money to make to many trips down townand back. So I spend much of my life waiting in some public place for work to start or my husband to be off, or what ever... waiting.
This is not to be a whiney post. I am just kinda laying out the situation in which I find myself.

Due to the above.. I only hang out with my husband. He is making friends with some of his coworkers and due to the fact I work late a couple nights a week.. He goes out with them and has a good time. I don't grudge that at all. I am sooo happy that he is finding people he can talk to, do things with. We've been in TN for almost two years now, it's about time.

I am finding that I am jealous of the DOING THINGS aspect. We spend too much time together so when he and I are not commuting, we are in the house or the apartment and doing nothing. And I feel ignored. I realize that it's not easy for him to be my only friend. No one wants that sort of responsibility. But how Do I fix the .. "We Spend too much time together?" I want him to enjoy doing things with me again. I want friends.. but with our schedule and demand on time, I cannot get the car to go places with people and I won't ask someone to come get me. I live too far out of the city.
So I have this sticky situation, I can't really talk about with my coworkers.. I'm afraid they'd feel obligated to tote me around.

It may be another two or three months until we can get the second car. If Nashville had a public transit system, my problem would be solved.. But the few buses that exists don't really get me where I need to be. meh

maybe patience is the answer.

Yea so It takes me forever to write a journal entry and when I do it's a lot of whiney poor me crap. sorry.

 I was going to do a picture post    2008-05-07 04:47:34 ET
I have pictures from my birthday party that I was going to share but right now I can't find the attention span to do it.

I found out last night that another person that was a friend has died. That makes three in the last month and a half.
I have not had much contact with any of them since I moved to Tennessee. Part of me tells me I have no right to grieve. Did I really spend much time and effort thinking or talking to these people?

But I have pictures and memories of when they were part of my world. When I was apart of theirs. I suppose that's where I feel sadness.

But it's a frustrating grief. No one here knew these people I cry for. No one has memories of their own to add to mine. The only response is a blank 'oh'.
Another faceless tragedy to be placed with all the other stories one does not know what to do with.

I think grief feels bigger when you have to go through it alone.


 one point for us    2008-04-21 07:32:50 ET
Sunday, instead of a typical lesson; we played a game of tape ball with the kids. (this is baseball of sorts. really we just try to hit the ball of tape with a whiffle bat as far as we can.)

actual conversation before the game began:

kid: Are we really going to play tape ball instead of a lesson?
Dave: Yep
Kid: That's not very spiritual.
Dave: I don't care.
Kid: *moment of deep thought* I guess I'm OK with that.

It took everything in me not to laugh.
And it only took an hour for me to be sunburned.

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