smiling at the firing squad again    2003-02-14 06:56:37 ET
another vday is upon us. a part of me loathes the aspect of this holiday which makes us treat people like they should always be treated. another part of me wants to let go of the cynicism for just one day and enjoy the day for what it is supposed to be. this year, like every has snuck up and i find myself ill-prepared.

i reflected on the concept of love this morning. it is a beautiful concept. unfortunately, its application in the world is difficult at best. love is the enabler, it allows us to be at our best...and worst.

ive been hurt so many times by its double edged blade. and if i were to ask myself, 'was it worth it?'...i dont know what my answer would be. all i know is that i am very frightened to fall in love again. women are like fire...beautiful and warm...but dont stick your hand in the flame! every advance is cause for retreat. because i know without a doubt that even the best intentions can cause a world of pain.

EDIT: hung out with the crew at the pyramid last night. fun times. finally met ACCELERATED STATE. west coast reprezent!

 ceremony of false ideals    2003-02-10 17:31:05 ET
i came to the realization today that i am utterly bored with life. i have nothing to offer anyone, i take no comfort in anything but music. i walked the streets aimlessly today. i could barely summon the energy to roll out of bed. this kind of apathy used to worry i know it is a part of me. an invisible enemy that is always lurking on the edge of my conciousness...waiting any opportunity to take control. i have to be very careful when i am in this state of mind. i could cause irreperable damage to my life and the lives of others. its important to be aware of the nemisis. for me, i only have to look in the mirror.

 lock without a key    2003-02-10 07:40:14 ET
no q's on friday. i was way too tired....had dinner with the collins family. good eats. played german board games. man, the germans are really into board games...they are pretty complicated. saturday was chillin at vinces...PS2 and other diversions. then club at night. good times. sunday was spent watching kung fu movies. the five deadly venoms still rules.

 you're so cruel    2003-02-06 07:53:34 ET
i have to say, this rhys fulber remix of 'worlock' kicks my organ.

hung out with prusik last night. smoked a bowl and chilled out to underworld. underworld also kicks my organ. had a nice relaxing day of doing absolutely nothing yesterday. im not sure if i'll be going to see das ich on anyone going?

 the party palace    2003-02-02 17:40:37 ET
so i rocked the weekend with a vengence. first stop, the mountain. hung out with matt, chrissie and kathy. alanna showed up a little later. they all left to go to see pt grimm. i rocked the PATH to newark. hang with everyone there. by the end of the night, i was totally ripped and was saying stupid things. i dont remember much of the night actually. crashed at DC's. woke up and laid around like lazy fucks for most of saturday. then we decided to stay in jersey for a veriety of reasons. rocked q's again. crashed again. now im back...

back with new tracks. check it yo

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