to anyone out of the mainstream    2006-06-27 00:24:05 ET
Life is going along just swimmingly.

Back to Montana this week, for three months.
I'm ready, excited, and nervous all at once.
The cough syrup-filled road trip should be interesting too!

Funny how friendships change, isn't it?

     2006-05-27 09:22:46 ET
Whoa, jeff.
how cute is he?
1 comment

 don't let it go to your head    2006-05-23 13:51:07 ET
my daily pill intake has been increasing significantly over the course of the past few months.

i need to get a stronger perscription.

 if you want to be free, be free    2006-05-15 18:20:00 ET
It's official: I'm quitting the Art Institute.
And I'm perfectly fine with that.

I'll be going to Montana for 3 months in July, and then hopefully I'll move back to Seattle.

I'm a little scared, but actually, I'm just confident. I think I'm headed in the right direction.


 fearless, proud, and strong    2006-04-29 13:37:28 ET
That shit just never happened when I was in high school. I didn't need it.

You know...I don't really even need it now.

 you've got terrible vision    2006-04-20 07:38:05 ET
I'm going to apply to Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh to study creative writing. It's one of the only schools in the US that offers a BA in the subject...seriously, why don't I live in London?

If I get accepted and if they give me any financial aid whatsoever, I'm going. No if's, and's, or but's. I will go to school there.

I want this. I need to stop tricking myself into thinking otherwise.
1 comment

 so go...    2006-03-31 06:53:31 ET
My trip to Helena made me feel even more homeless than before. My room is no longer mine, and my car is wrecked for good. My friends have rehearsal and school and their little games and projects that I can never be a part of.

But it was nice to go back. I needed to see familiar faces and be held by familiar arms. I hated that I was only there for 2 wasn't enough time to get anything done, but it was too long to just make an appearance.

I've fucked up with Kyler. I can't believe we let Christmas happen the way that it did. I wish we could have hugged forever that night, because we both need it. I really do need him. We're not phone friends...we have to be together. But we can't be. I guess we're just going to have to give ourselves yet another 2nd chance, and try to make it work.

I'm not excited for this quarter to start. I'm not really excited for anything lately...

 with a sense of poise and rationality    2006-03-17 16:15:41 ET
I am so glad he is staying.

 G as in God    2006-03-15 08:47:01 ET
So it's been quite some time since I've written in this old thing. I guess I've been super busy...or super lazy. I can't decide.


Well, I have a job. It's boring and everything that I never wanted to do with my life, but it's good money and the hours work well with school. Although it is at 7am, which means early to bed and early to rise. And so far I'm everything but wise from it.

School has been driving me insane lately. I'm so stressed and none of my final projects are going to be any good - if I finish them at all. I'm two quarters in, and I'm still not sure what I want to do. That is terrifying.

I have some new friends - Amanda and Gunnar - who have made life tons of fun. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I've decided that I hate having lots of friends...I hate keeping all my inside jokes separate and trying not to make anyone mad. I have my nice little group of 4 friends, 5 if you count the occasional Jackie, and that's plenty. Just enough to fit in Gunnar's car and have dinner parties with.

Quite possibly the most exciting of all events: I talked to movie theater boyfriend. Actually had a conversation with him. It was exhilirating, and I almost lost my cool several times. The depressing part, however, is that I haven't seen him since. I feel like I crossed some invisible line. I mean, before he was so surreal...and now that I've made more than eye contact, he isn't there anymore. I seriously let my imagination get the best of me sometimes.

I'm getting a little sick of Seattle, so I'm going to head home in a couple weeks. Really, I just need to see close friends who don't sabotage my work, and my mom who will make me dinner and treat me like a kid. I miss that. Real life sucks sometimes.

     2006-02-20 05:29:33 ET
Seriously. Where are you?
I'm getting discouraged.

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