bag of marbles   
I am Carina. I am a writer and a scientist. I am a hopeless romantic. I am bored. I am uneventful. I am alive and living. I am so worth your time. Check out my latest artistic endeavor: elusive frown

 i'm not the man they think i am at home    2008-08-19 15:36:27 ET
i've just been thinking about boys lately, which is stupid. i always make a big deal out of nothing. gotta learn not to do that.

in other news...i might be moving to New York in december?

sometimes just going somewhere is the only way to stop yourself from going crazy...

 your head on the ground    2008-07-30 17:51:57 ET
i have been getting fucked up every goddamn night and i am not gonna stop.

 somewhere, over the rainbow    2008-06-23 22:18:24 ET
this weekend they found the bodies of kevin, devlin, and phil, who have been missing since november. it's been rough on everyone, but at least now it's all over. i, of course, along with everyone else i'm sure, have been drinking and fighting and wrecking too much in order to deal. but i guess that's okay.

all i can do is be there for my boys. sometimes just being there is just enough.if you can, do, if you can't, that's okay too.

i'm going to montana this week. jackie and mikol's wedding, aunt anne's wedding, family reunion, friend reunion...i'm exited, and tired already.

where trouble melts like lemon drops...

 you were only waiting for this moment to be free    2008-06-13 09:37:21 ET
SIFF is over soon. how sad. i've seen a lot of good movies last year. i probably won't ever write about all of them, but just let it be known that it's been a really good time.

i got the dress in the mail yesterday. the bridesmaid's dress for jackie's wedding in a couple weeks. it doesn't fit right, so i'll have to get it altered, but it's cuter than i expected. secretly i wish i knew how to be a girl, but i just look at their shoes and hair and make-up and clothes, and none of it makes sense to me. not a lick of sense.

 get the net    2008-05-30 11:29:37 ET
this has never happened to me before. i've never felt so completely worthless. i've never given so much of myself to another person, only to be lied to and forgotten.

i'm fucking awesome. how could anyone ever leave me?

i just figured it out, jeff, i just took the hint. i'm sorry it took so long to get me out of your life.

 love vs obligation    2008-04-30 13:53:42 ET
a new apartment is in the works. a change of pace and scenery.

france was amazing. i wish i could go back. and someday soon i will.

jackie is getting married in two months and i will be a bridesmaid, complete with a hideous dress. this is the most grown-up thing i've ever done.

jeff and i haven't spoken in over a week. this may be the end of us. it hurts all over. i think i've never had a broken heart until now. have you ever swallowed food that was too hot and you can feel it in your throat and chest and just sinking sinking and you think it will never stop burning...that's how this feels.

i'm volunteering for SIFF this year, hopefully doing tech stuff. very exciting. also, i got a membership to the NW film forum, which means $2.50 Mondays. i like movies, it seems.

i'm gonna start kayaking, i think.

 sitting on a ledge    2008-03-06 23:11:09 ET
i am 21 years old, and holding on tight to whatever is holding me back.

 extremes    2008-02-14 09:20:05 ET
i think i want to leave seattle for a long time.

 beartraps    2008-01-13 10:23:53 ET
france france france
it's really all i think about.

the house is a disaster, and i realize now that it's been this way for months. maybe that's why it's finally getting on my nerves. i can't deal.

i've seen him three times in the past two weeks. i have so many plans, but when the time comes, i get a lump in my throat and nothing goes the way i wanted. i just love him for no reason whatsoever.

it's beautiful today, and i'm inside doing laundry and homework.

i miss jeff.

my scars are taking over.

 nuts and bolts    2007-12-11 11:23:42 ET
i was right about december, and we're not even half-way through it.

i'm going to france in march. i'm actually going.
i don't want to work where i work anymore. everything is hard and not fun. and my eyes hurt.

red moved in.
spence is something new.

there are no answers, only temporary solutions.

r.i.p. kevin, phil, and devlin

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