A Dozen Furies...    2005-02-06 10:02:55 ET
So Friday night I went to go see A Dozen Furies for $5.00 and being me... I was kind of critical. They won "Battle for Ozzfest" but still. I mean that show sucked so much balls... I just was like "man... why am i here" and then they started playing and holy shit.

THEY ARE AWESOME AND HAVE SUCH GOOD STAGE PRESENCE!! I was in shock... I mean I'm from the Plano area so me and the guys have been at the same places before but still... this was unexpected.

I was in shock.

 I HATE THIS....    2005-01-31 00:25:09 ET
I hate crushes.
I hate love.
I hate relationships.

I fucking hate this shit. And have you ever noticed that "this" and "shit" all use the same letters... that's called something like a palindrome or is that when it spells a word the sameway back and forth? I don't know... all I do know is that I am deeply enamored by my bestfriend of 2 and a half years who if I had a picture of I would post but I do not so yeah...

It sucks hardcore. Nothing new. Nothing Interesting.

This is just a nerd with a crush on the prettiest girl in English class kind of post. I hate it.

 This is my journal entry...    2005-01-29 12:17:21 ET
Do you ever have those moments when you question your true intentions? Your true desire in various environments like life, relationships, etc.? What would be our real needs and wants if we had no one to answer to? No one to make us feel guilty about being selfish... wouldn't that be something. To express what you really want. I don't know about you all but I would definitely not be where I am now with the people I am with now.

But is that a good thing to know? To understand that if you didn't have to be someplace in your life you wouldn't be there at all... it kind of trivializes your past existence in a way saying that it wasn't your choice and wasn't what you wanted...

Interesting. Well my friend Brian out of the blue started talking to me and it resulted in us getting pretty drunk and dancing to loud rap music blaring from his new system in his Tahoe at 1:45 in the morning with the hot girls accross the street laughing at us. But anyways... I woke up on his couch and was thinking about that first part.

"Am I where I want to be... No... then where do you want to be..." and then nothing. That sucks that my drives and desires are so insignificant that not even my subconscious wants to admit them.

Oh... I started writing a book and it's going pretty well. Nowhere close to being finished but I do have a path I want to follow for it and strategy for the layout. I have a couple parts finished but it's going to require two bottles of red wine, a large cheese pizza and some Postal Service for me to really try and make a stab at getting some significant writing down.

 What is wrong with me?!?!    2005-01-21 14:08:03 ET
So I had a book that I did not need for a class that I hate. And the book is something like $90.00 and I could use that $90 for other stuff and relishing the fact that I was taking $90.00 out of the hands of some publisher that's paying a couple dick professors to put out this book was just too much to my enjoyment. So I return the book to the nearby bookstore and all that jazz. So I go to the cashier to get my money and it's these two girls talking(i say girls cuz they were like 20 - 22) about some other person they want to get fired. Girls are always wishing terrible things on coworkers here... guys just call them "dumbasses" and are done with it.

Anyways... so I go to the "not-as-pretty-as-the-other-one" just cuz that's the kind of person I am. I don't like to do business with a girl that is gorgeous cuz I just don't trust myself to get my point across without flirting. So I'm wearing this leather band around my wrist... nothing big... I got it like 2 years ago cuz it was the only thing that can fit my teeny-tiny wrists. So the "prettier-one" says to me "I really like your leather bracelet you have around your wrist... it's very cute on you. You are a very styling guy. Very cute."

(pause for laughing)

So I smile a little bit wondering 'who the hell says styling anymore except for my mom?!?!?' and say "Well... my arms are really small so it was the only thing that fits around my wrist and doesn't make me look like a 5 year old."

Then I got my money, politely said thank you and left.

I always wonder what are you supposed to do when a girl compliments an article of clothing that you have on. Something so trivial and materialistic just really confuses me at times so I find ways to make their comments look like they are meaningless to me even though they just really piss me off. I guess I was supposed to invite her to party for that or get her number... I am out of touch with what a regular college guy is supposed to do.


 Weird...    2005-01-18 14:12:03 ET
I was listening to Yoko Kanno today and sitting down before my class started and almost felt my entire body start collapsing... it was strange. I physically hurt to the point where I thought I might cry. It was straight in the center of my chest and my stomach.

It was really fast and at this really pretty moment in the song... and usually I get you know... enjoyable sensations when I listen to pretty songs that have a lot of ambience to them... but this was pain.

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