California...    2005-03-21 12:42:48 ET
Well it was beautiful. I will put up some pictures my uncle took of us Kayaking sometime soon whenever I get them in the mail. But yeah... it was so incredible. Just a whole different world out there... it was the best trip I've taken. I would wake up at 8:00 in the morning. Run for 2 hours up and down the beaches. Get back and eat fruit and drink expresso then get on the bike and ride into Laguna Beach (6 miles each way) and sit on the beach and read my book(Bel Canto). I would go home about 5:00pm and take a relaxing shower and play piano until 7:00 then eat sushi. I loved every second of it. Met cool people. Learned more about my Uncle and my dad and saw my cousin for the first time in 6 years.

It was a good trip.

 I am out of control...    2005-03-06 23:20:12 ET
You would think that obsessing over one girl would be enough but no... now it is two.

It's been two for a while. You have wonderful Britt on one side... then you have Jenn on the other. Jenn I've actually had some sort of a relationship with and so it could just be on-again-off-again crush kind of stuff... but I just found myself checking online picture albums to see if while me and her were somewhat selectively seeing each other... if she was with anyone else. I mean we weren't exclusive... well I was but we didn't have the talk so therefore it doesn't count... I just get this way when I really start to being in that inbetween liking and loving stage.

This really sucks. I mean... what is my problem? I messed up from the start with Jenn. I will never never never have anything more with Britt. I think when I go to Corona del Mar for Spring Break I'll really just get tired of it all and never comeback. Screw drama and crushes.

 Mmph... I'm trying not to laugh...    2005-03-06 10:23:20 ET

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

this is so funny.

 The Apple Analogy    2005-02-28 06:57:11 ET
Sorry for this being so long but just skim through it as you would like...

JEN: "Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt, Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along- the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree!"
Me: haha
Me: i'm a guy
Me: who wrote that is a girl i bet
JEN: so you really think the ones at the "top" of the tree really want to be there and dont want guys to try
JEN: and you know this because you are a guy?
JEN: haha
Me: they want guys to try but they are all intimidation factor... it's the same as saying that a guy goes for the rotten "easy" ones at the bottom
Me: cuz you are a girl
JEN: what is cuz i am a girkl
Me: well you threw in the "cuz your a guy" when i was trying to categorize the girls at the top... so i threw in the misconception that guys just want the "whores at the bottom of the tree"
JEN: no one said they were whores
JEN: you added that part haha
Me: ....:-\... so if an apple meaning girl is on the ground "rotten and easy" i can't imply that she is a "whore"? when the whole analogy lies on the implication that all guys just want a piece
Me: that's a little unfair by the author of said quote...
JEN: hmm well
Me: but if we are really getting down to analogies... the whole thing is a little too simple with just one apple tree... it should be a whole f'in orchard with the juicy ones near the start... this is the first thing a guy sees and attempts to get... you then have your granny smiths and the yellow ones... these are the more characteristic/personality based girls and the tree is a little taller a little harder to get to... you then have your trees that are just towering... these are the unattainable and when you finally get to them they just aren't worth it... then you have the one tree... and that's the soulmate... i mean there are rotten ones from every tree on the ground but this one perfect tree is the one... and some guys drop off real fast and just chill with the juicy ones and some are always trying to attain the unattainable... but it's the happy ones that make it to the one tree and no one stays for too long with the personality based apples cuz the more and more you get... the weirder they are
Me: but that's just the way i look at the whole thing
JEN: but if that is true then either not everyone has a soulmate or every tree just has one apple and there would be no difference between "good" and "bad" apples
Me: i think "good" and "bad" is up to personal choice when it comes to "apples" and every orchard is different for every person... and the soul mate is there... but some guys don't try and look... and so the whole thought of the "soul mate" is flawed... i know plenty of old people that aren't married and probably never will so really... i think there is not just one... i think there are many compatible... there's just a different future for each if you even get that far... but if we are getting to a religious discussion then all the apples are just in a perfect line on the ground leading to one last one or nothing... cuz you can't have an orchard with predestination
JEN: trust me i wasnt trying to get in a religous discussion
Me: okay
JEN: i just thought it was kinda funny'
JEN: the whole things
JEN: but nevermind haha
Me: why do you think that there would be only one apple in each tree?(it's okay... i just felt like combatting that one... everyone finds some beautifully simple analogy likes that to make themself feel better about being single or breaking up with their boyfriend... i think it's just silly)
JEN: i meant in your version....because you said there was one perfect tree with your soulmate so i assumed that one tree just had the one apple soulmate
JEN: and if every apple has a soulmate there would only be one apple on each tree
Me: there would be only one apple for each perfect tree
Me: the orchard is different per person
Me: and with girls there's not an orchard... if that's what you are getting at... guys get the orchard... girls get the grocery section of the store
Me: i meant produce section... sorry
JEN: dang
Me: i guess you could have a small grocery section... maybe canned apples or something... but with girls i think it shouldn't be limited to just apples... all fruits and vegetables... and some canned ones... and you can discern that however you'd like... but that's how i see it
JEN: you're saying we have more choice?
Me: hahhaha... if you say that you don't i'm going to end the conversation right now so i don't get mad
Me: well not mad... just annoyed with this feeling that girls have limited choices when it comes to guys... it's completely false and is just a self-esteem issue
JEN: umm... i'm not saying that we have limited choice but how is it that you think guys do?
JEN: sorry if that's stupid of me
JEN: you can end the conversation if you want
Me: ummm it's not stupid... i just have this thought on the whole dating thing as choice and limitations... only certain kinds of girls like certain kinds of guys but if they ever changed their minds they could get another kind anytime they wanted... guys are in a sense limited by the "season" or if you will... the girl's choice allowing themselves to be "picked" by the guys so naturally from that we see that girls have the wider choice and guys have a (we are talking generalities here) "limited" choice
JEN: i dont know if i agree with all that but i know what you are satying
Me: hahha... the great thing with theories is that half of them are unfounded... so who knows how it could work... i am more speaking from bias than objective truth...

Any other thoughts?

 Small talk will be just fine...    2005-02-12 23:03:17 ET
In another time, another place, there was something both beautiful and tragic, both temporary and timeless of the explanation of her beauty, her grace, and I was the luckiest to see this and, youthfully selfish, I sought to hold it to my heart hiding it from the rest of the world. Thinking that I could steal away what I wanted no one else to find. That I could shield what I wanted to never see stripped apart by any other who even vainly believed that they could come close to feeling what I had felt when she smiled. And this was pure, this was beauty in it's finest. I lost it because I couldn't hope myself enough into her heart, into her mind, and I couldn't believe myself worthy enough for her eyes. What time when I felt so alive and yet so alone? Where does that place find a home? Is it common to feel such a way where to be looked upon for one instant with love and kindness gives meaning to which before there was none? There were only tears and pain and sorrow and this melodrama of instant gratification gone horribly awry and to find something so filling was pure storybook. A trivial work of fiction filled ceaselessly with nouns and adjectives and verbs. Action upon action they flowed through but never coming close to the tragedy of reality, of what is drilled into us as children as being real. Is this love? Is this fantasy? The words on the page were alive but were they enough for life or were they but a cessation to existenceís heavy toll upon heartís brittle form? The wise saw this as resembling a fall from peace and from conscious into a state of ambiguous discernment from nature. We circulate and intertwine ourselves around it never knowing whether truth can be found in a heartbeat. Is that faith? Foolishly I resemble the same confusion that the basis for every scientific theory and plotline to every film rest upon because I had dreamt too late into my own verve of time. A fold where I found love and love never found me out. Who is the lucky one now?

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