Happy VD day everyone
2006-02-14 07:55:00 ET

Well Im not bitter like usual but Ive been prepared for this day for months so I putting my picture up any way

Writen 2/9/2006 9:25 pm AZ time
2006-02-09 18:18:55 ET

I love you yet I hate you
You made me feel this way
I know its not your fault still
I wanted you this way
Your happy, and now Im not
Im feeling wrecked inside my soul
I feel so burnt inside
I may never gain control
And yet I hope you stay this way
I never want to forget
That even though Im broken
You are perfectly content
I dont mean this meanly
But it seems you never cared
And even if you never miss me
I will miss you till the end.

My Declining mood...
2006-02-08 16:21:06 ET

In poetry that I have written in the past week.

January 30, 2006

The way you move me

Your warm embrace moves me so
I long for a glance of your smile
supple lips and a deep sinuous kiss
my mouth was made to touch yours
You are my day dream
the one I long for
I am here just for you
I wait for the day our bodies connect
Magic will burst from my soul
I'm under your spell
I wonder if you see it
I long for the day I can call you mine
Stare in to my eyes
you will know then I'm all yours
So I will wait
Wait for the day to have you all
All to my self, and no one else comes close to that.

Same day no title

I still always hurt
its not your fault
I know I promised
promised to be happy
Its hard for me to do
Sometimes I feel that glimmer of hope
but sadness comes crashing through
I hate that I want to love
I promised myself I wouldnít
But you make it so hard for
Me to keep that promise to me
You make me want to love you
you add that glimmer of hope

January 31, 2006


Iím tortured on the inside
how can I let this be
Iím letting myself open
the titanium cast my heart is in
has opened a door for you
your not the first
But the first invited
I want to let you in
You make me see the beauty of me
And thatís never happened before
I hope those other girls
donít mean much to you
I wanted them gone
Out of my way I need you
to be all for me

February 5, 2006

Bits of poems

I thought is was going to work
this time I tried to do it right
my timing was off
big surprise
I screwed it up again
I wrote you a letter I thought Iíd never have to write
Iím wait for your answer
who knows maybe it will be alright
but I feel so scared inside
And God knows its true
The one thing I knew for sure
Was I could really love you

February 6, 2006

I cant believe I did this
The way it hurts my soul
but I think you love another
and now I will never truly know
You wont return my phone calls
Iím climbing up the walls
I hope your new found lover
isnít fielding all my calls
And yet I love you still
I know I always will
and if you ever forgive me
I will do all your wills
Same day

I hate the way I ruin myself
I shred my heart each day
wanting more than I deserve
and my love is all I have to give
Yet itís a dirty love that no one wants
It gets tossed back in my face
My heart is dead yet it beats
sometimes it flutters too
Thatís when I think about the love I want to give
no one wants a mistake
so no pure love will show

2006-01-26 16:48:13 ET

I got the job, I got the job!.. It makes my faith so much stronger when good things happen after such shitty ones.

So I start tomorrow at 8 am.. WOO WHOOO..
Woo friggen woo yeah yeah..


2006-01-25 19:29:16 ET

I fucking hate life haha.. Who doesnt, any way, I have a friend who was supposed to move in to the same apt complex, I HATE HER!!!
SHe backed out today. FUCK FUCK FUCK.. But yeah, I will be alright, sure I have no job, little money, and I dont know any one near my new apt, but I will live.
I need a job.
I have an interview tomorrow at 9 in the morning. I am excited. :)


2006-01-22 18:23:07 ET

I hate it when I get my hopes up about things. I so rarely get my hopes up about any thing, I mean used to any way, I used to be a really big cynic. I miss those days, except the part about being a bitch. I hated that part. But it seemed much easier. I know that they always turn to crap. I donít even know why I bother.
Well some good news I am moving in to my apt on the first. It may be in a crappy part of town but at least its mine. First time living alone no roommates or family. So itís really great. I will get pictures of everything when I get finished setting it up.
I still need to find a job however, which will be a good thing for me. Keeps my mind off things that make me sad. Life is such a pain in the ass. But Iím fighting back, and kicking life in the ass this time.!

2006-01-20 13:13:53 ET

I had a good lunch date. it was nice.

2006-01-15 18:59:25 ET

Going to the doctor tomorrow,
My stomach has hurt for days, my dad says its a preulcerous condition or just ulcers. Stupid GERD I hate it so much.
If it gets any worse tonight I am going to the hospital yes.

Friday the 13th
2006-01-13 17:52:28 ET

Its my favorite day EVER EVER.. really though even though I didnt do any thing to day it was still good.

Next Friday the 13th will be in OCTOBER BITCHES!!!! thats my month

That is all

I hate this....
2006-01-08 19:23:23 ET

I feel so insane lately...
I don't know what to do with myself. I am seriously considering moving out to California. Mostly because Rikki is comming next month and I could just head back there with her.
But I am scared, I have never lived that far from my mom ever! I am a total mommas girl and I don't know what to do. I need to find a job either here or there and I am not sure what to do yet.

I hate my friends in Tucson for the most part, lately all I feel from them is abuse, they use me for my car or something, I need peple my own age. Its hard to meet people. Well if your me it is.

I like this guy named Dan, but I'm not sure if he likes me really. I mean we flirt alot but I still don't know.

Sorry for the ramblings and what not just need to get everything out of my head or I really was going to go crazy.


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