2003-08-11 11:26:57 ET

So unfortunate how I have the tendency to get lazy when I get involved in an intimate relationship. I'm trying to fight that laziness. I'm not smoking cigerettes and I'm saving for a bike. And I'm trying everyday to focus and evaluate a path for myself, in terms of a 'career' or educational plan or whatever.

I think I want to take somesort of career development course. I need evaluation. I need help understanding what would be the best path for me. I'm getting tired of floating, of wasting my time and my energy, know what I mean? It's so foreign to me to think like an adult, but I must train myself to see things differently, and not just through the eyes of a child. I need to see thing simultaneaously, as that of a child and that of an adult. I cannot foresake one for the other.

But yeah, if this relationship is to survive any length of time, I must discipline myself with continual procreation and physical activity, for any stagnation will result in a swift death. In a relationship, the stakes are higher. Mistakes can be fatal. There is a danger element that accomodates intimacy, and that element must be dealt with carefully.

What I need to do is stop drinking. It's funny how intuitive temptation is. You always find it where you most expect. Temptation always makes it's presence obviously known and available, especially when you try to avoid it. Take my affliction with alcohol for instance. I tell myself that I'm not going to buy any alcohol and WALLA! Tons of friends with tons of free liquor! Same thing with cigerettes...try to quit and WALLA! All the free cigerettes you want, raining down from the sky! I think it's interesting the magnetism of temptation, a force that makes you realize just how powerful your psychic waves really are, how influential they can be.

My friends are in my town to see Bjork tonight at the Hollywood Bowl. I'm not going...and that's okay. I've seen Bjork a couple times. She's dope as fuck. Yeah yeah.

God, everything is loud today. I want quiet. No peace until death.

All y'all have a good day.

Here's some Japanese art that I'm into right now...

This is Vivienne Sato. Her shit is so clean. Her style reminds me of Beardsley

Here's a Beardsley pic, for comparison:

...and here's another neat graphic, Katmekat:


G-rated fun? Fuck no...G-Rated FUNK
2003-08-02 20:41:51 ET

So yo, I've been busy. Busy-as-fuck gettin' bizay.

I'm movin' my ass to the LBC in about a month. I'm really into this idea. I'm really into anything right now that has the potential to shift my whole focus. From visiting Long Beach so much in the last couple of weeks, I've come to fully realize how muthafuckin conservative-ass Orange County is. Like, I'm thankful that my stay here has been centralized in Fullerton, 'cause this is probably as good as Orange County gets.

There's too much fucking luxury. There's too much crappy consumerism. There's no guts, no blood, no carnage. Just G-rated fun. And I don't want G-rated fun...I WANT G-RATED FUNK Y'ALL!

Yeah, this place I'm movin' into is going to cost me $265 a month, with (maybe) $50 dollars in utilities. I crunched some figures and found that I'll be saving $140 a month. That's fucking wonderful shit right there. And the apt is much more spacious.

One thing's for sure...I'm buying my skinny-ass a bike. I want to ride everywhere in the LBC. I wanna ride all the way to Compton! YAY COMPTON! No, for real, I wanna scour this city. It's so intricate, so thick.

Okay, so yo, one thing. I'm moving in with this girl that I was talking about in a previous entry. And I totally fucking dig this girl (I would say the "L" word, but I'm trying not to be an adolescent about this). Josh is moving in too. She recently had to kick out her roomate and so now she's interviewing people and asked if me and Josh wanna move to Long Beach. I proposed the idea and it sort of manifested. So right now, as I speak, Josh is touring the city, seeing the sites, and is probably going to scope out his soon-to-be bedroom in a bit. He's way into this shit, which makes me really happy.

I'm going to need to stay on top though, know what I mean? I've never lived with a girl that I've really liked before. Like, I lived with Erika, my best friend, but that's kinda different. I'm like with this girl, so it's like...you know...interesting. I'm not worried, I'm just kinda reflecting upon past incidents that I've been involved in where couples live together and end up really not enjoying it. BUT FUCK ALL THAT SHIT. I ain't about that.

I'm about moving into a new city and re-designing how I live, adding to my experience as a living human. And if I get to live with a super-beautiful girl who speaks to my soul and makes me feel whole, all the fucking better. And that's that. Fuck the pessimistic. I don't have the time.

So yo, that's the update. Honestly, I haven't really been into this site. I just can't conjure up the 'umph.' Dunno.

Anyways, peace y'all.

without reason...
2003-07-27 22:05:49 ET

"Get up a-get--get-get-down, 9-1-1 is a joke in yo town!"

I was at the market place a couple minutes ago (1.5 hours, approx.). I was waiting for my main man Josh whilst he busied his ass with pickin' up some bud (marijuana). I bought a six-pack, drank a few as I waited (liesured)...(with sunglasses, no less), and had myself some thoughts...

What the fuck do I give about law anymore? How is it that these muthafuckin' politicians tromp around with their rich-ass-cunts disobeying every stature of the constitution? Does anyone really believe that they actually OBEY the law? California is on the brink of absolute choas. These muthafuckin politicians can't keep their cock in their pants, know what I mean? They hella-phallic, and they don't give a mad fuck about anything but.

So, as a member of the 'lower-class,' I pledge that I don't pledge allegiance to anything 'under God.' I believe it is now my duty to find ways to break any allegiance, as a true sign of "patriotism." It is far-more patriotic to break the law nowadays, and that's fucked-up.

Oh...so yeah, my boy and his homeboy shot up heroin in my living room. Yeah...it was kinda crazy, but after everything transpired, it was all good. So now it's like, I kninda wanna shoot up. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.........Disgusting, eh?

I've done most drugs, but never intravaneous heroin. Laced exstacy, yeah (of course), but strait mainline? Never. So yeah, I'm curious. Mexico is only 2 hours away, and I idolize William Burroughs (not to mention 'Trainspotting' is my favorite movie), so yeah...I kinda have a fascination.

That's me as-of-late. Peace to all of you! I mean that.

...(so now it comes down to me.)
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