"You just had a near-life experience"    2004-08-17 17:54:39 ET
I should have been back in Flagstaff by now. I probably should have already gotten a job and my books and gotten ready for school.

I did not even make it to Tucson before I lost control of my El Camino on the wet highway. I remember everything. I remember hearing the tires squeel, I remember sliding on the highway, I remember the vehical rolling over, twice. I do remember hitting my head. I remember landing right way up and pushing through my things to call 911. Some really nice men helped me out of the truck because they thought it was on fire. Even then I knew that what they were seeing was steam from my busted radiator. I stayed calm long enough to try and call home and them my grandmother to tell her I had been in an ancident. Then I saw the car and started to cry. The men who had stopped (including an off-duty paramedic) made me lay down and not move my neck.

The paramdics strapped me to a board and put a neck brace on me. Every person asked me if I had been wearing my seatbelt and I answered yes. Then came the long ride to the hospital. They checked me over. My grandfather met me there, then my mother and grandmother.

I'm doing ok. It still really hurts but I do not really want to take all the drugs they gave me, they make me feel ill. No one else was in the car and thank god, I did not hit anyone.

I feel so stupid though. I've wrecked my car completly, so my mother will be driving me up to Flagstaff this weekend. Nothing in my truck (even with a full bed) was hurt, save for one small piece of furniture, and by some act of grace the 3 bottles of beer I had in a bag behind the seat did not even move. My laptop is also ok. Even the rolled up posters in the cab stayed put.

I know I'm lucky. Just looking at the truck convinced me of that. The passenger side was crunched conpletly, while the driver's side took significantly less damage.

I keep seeing it all in my head. I wish I did not.
1 comment

     2004-06-28 11:14:18 ET

My life is rated R.
What is your life rated?

     2004-06-23 14:59:13 ET
Absinth-honeyed tongue
Spoke in riddles
Spoke in rhyme
As rain fell upon my face

A man on my left
Sayin’ one day I’ll give in to life

If only I get to my knees
If only I’d take him in

With rough kisses I tasted poison
With rough hands I felt shame

Green honey clouded my mind
Clouded my reason

Rustling leaves
Caught me and held me close


Eyes unfocused
Looking down to pinned limbs


Flesh poisoning flesh
Filth that never washed away with the rain


A foolish trust realized
And one last whispered remark:

“Women are only meant to be used.”

 Good morning Captain Morgan    2004-06-01 07:06:31 ET
Even with work, this weekend was pretty nice.

Friday: After waking up at the nice hour of 9 am I started going through my room and finally noticed just how much crap I have collected over the last few years. I soon got lazy and started reading and drowning myself in lots of yummy tea. I wandered to work around 5 pm. Had a lot of shitty customers but I just waved it off as being a long payday weekend. After work I went to Denny's with Jack, his girlfriend, Lou, and Jon from work. Jack's girlfriend is a sweet girl, but she annoyed the hell out of me with her ditzyness. She also has a bad habit of making it sound like an insult when she is trying to compliment someone. Ex: "You could be a model if you lost the weight."

Saturday: I got up around 10 am and went to work early to do a little "spoiling Mia" activity. I got three books: Survivor and Fight Club both by Chuck Palhanuik, and Fear and Loathing by Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. I also got a cd by Rob Dougan. He did some great instrumental stuff for two of the Matrix soundtracks. His cd is full of that sort of thing. My love for violins and piano really drive my lust for that sort of music. After work I went over to the trailer for Matt's Bday party. I got his a bottle of Baily's Irish Cream for a present. Almost everyone else got him alcohol for his birthday as well. Needless to say, we all got pretty hammered. We started off by watching Master and Commander to relax, then we started playing Pirate's Cove (pirate's version of monopoly with fighting) and had turned it into a drinking game with 5 different kinds of rum. Three shots and our precious Kelly was already far gone, she had shots of milk after that. I ended up winning the game. Then we switched over to Boggle, which we also turned into a drinking game. By the end up of it most everyone was in a very happy mood. A little later mostly everyone left and me a Jo stayed up for a while playing the Sims on her Gamecube. It did not last long before we decided that we were way too drunk to play. I ended up crashing on thier couch bed with Captain Morgan (the pet cat, not the booze).

Sunday: I woke up about 7 am with Captain Morgan playing with my toes. I drove home and napped a bit more before starting back up with some packing. I managed to pack away most of my dvds and tapes, only to discover that my copy of Clerks cartoons were missing. After a bit of investigation I discovered that Sasha still has it and refuses to return it to me. Bitch. I can't seem to keep my hands on a copy of that without losing it. I also packed away some winter clothes and towels. I've been able to nick some boxes away from work to pack in, but I'm out, so the packing is on halt for now. Gaming sunday night was pretty fun.

Monday: I woke up at a nice 10 am and did nothing but laze around and go to the movies with my mother. We saw Shrek 2. Damn adorable movie. I did have work, but it went by fairly uneventfully.

As a final note: Congrats on your engagment, Brandy.

     2004-05-14 07:14:16 ET
Happy Graduation to me,
Happy Graduation to me,
Happy Graduation from an Associates in Chemistry (GPA 3.5!) to me,
Happy Graduation to me.

My co-workers gave me a corsage (my first and only) to wear to the cermony, but I will not be going. It still looks really pretty in my refrigerater.

     2004-04-29 10:48:13 ET
Well giving blood on Monday did not work out. Turns out I had a fever of 100.8 which prevented me from trying. But the Red Cross has already started calling me again and beggin for my blood. I'm A+ blood type. I'm not sure how rare or helpful my type is.

I just kicked the ass out of today's Physics exam. My Calc 3 class was cancelled however. Good thing too. I'm a little behind in my homework for that class.

Joanna heard from the insurance company of the kid who caused her accident. They are only giving her $3000 for her car, her medical bills, and for her missing 2 weeks of work. That's barely enough to finish paying off her car. I'm leaving work early to see if I could try to cheer her up a bit.

I got an award at Cochise College the other day. It's the Who's Who Among Junior College Students. It's one of those deals where you get nominated to appear in this book that they want your parents and grandparents to buy. I got the same thing in High School.

I'm kind of sad that I never got to join Phi Theta Kapa, the honors organization. I've always had the requirments of GPA, Full Time status, etc. But I've never had the money to join. I think it is at $75 now. I've always thought that honor based clubs and the like that are sponsered by the college should be free to all students. Ah Well.

     2004-04-12 07:13:05 ET
I've never been so scared and angry in my life as I did the moment I answered my phone and heard my mother choke through telling me that my best friend in the world had just been in an accident.

The scared part: hearing that her car had flipped OVER.

The angry part: hearing that the accident was caused by a group of four 18 year old boys who were speeding on their way to Mexico to drink.

Joanna was just on her way from her parents house and an SCA event when it happened. It's amazing that she lived.

She is very bruised and sore and has numerous staples in the back of her head. Her car has been declared totalled.

The other car is smashed up pretty bad but none of the kids have even a scratch.

It will be a rocky time ahead working with the insurance companies and everything.

Thank Christ Jo is alright.


     2004-04-02 05:25:39 ET
I got the job at Hasting's that I applied for. That'll be two jobs, fulltime school, and arranging future education on my buffet plate of life.

Sleep is a crutch.


 A Distant Scream    2004-03-25 12:27:08 ET
"Somedays I think
I'm going to give it all away
Find a job that pays
Some letters behind my name.

Somedays I'll be
Standing at a mirror looking in
Your face starts fading in
The feeling comes again.

I guess I'll always be
The losing side of you.
Your mismatched other shoe
Your after midnight blues.

Love is a mystery to me
A loser's dream.

These days
Are spent in hot desire to be the way I was
To ride the magic bus
To try and stay in touch.
My face is just a memory to those I knew.
An influential clue
To what they have to lose.

I guess I'll always be
The losing side of you.
Your mismatched other shoe
Your after midnight blues.
Love is a mystery.
To me a distant scream."

~Terry Moore

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