| Shooting things 2002-04-22 05:30:07 ET |
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i really enjoy shooting things over the internet...mostly other people...i buy video games where i get to do that then i search the net for downloads to make them more bloody, i just played Ghost Recon, then i played Counterstrike...but in real life i have no desire to ever own a gun...there's just something cathartic about hearing a shot go off and then seeing a head erupted into a cloud of blood...on the screen that is...
i actually once saw some one get shot in the head...it was the single most disgusting/exciting moment in my life...i was 16 and a teenage run away (cue punk music) living on a friends floor (too poor to own a couch), in the worse part of downtown indy, (12th and illinois) where crack was sold openly and gun shots where mostly ignored...and two punk kids could get away with what ever they wanted to do... mostly not pay rent....
so anyways one night me and my punk rock yodda (the guy who shows you the ropes and buys you beer, all crusties have one) are walking back from the local liquer store (on 16th street back to 12th) and we hear this argueing coming from the end of an alley we have to cross through, so we run up to it and then stop by a dumpster...and look around the edge, this fat red neck in a wife beater is yelling at some skinny black guy (i don't even remember what about) just yelling and yelling and flipping him off (they were only a couple feet apart), when suddenly the black guys waves off the white guy and turns to walk away, as he's turning to walk away the white guy pulls up the front of his wife beater and grabs something and makes a punching motion toward the black guys head, and a loud pop goes off, real loud, and a flash of light jumps from the end of the gun and at the exact same time the black guys head erupts into a cloud of pink...it was so strange it just kind of hung in the air for a second...it was like time slowed down...then the guy fell over and me and athrite...(that was my yodda's name) beat feet like mugs out of the alley...with out our beer...we came back later to get it but there were cops everywhere...it was still there two days later...(the beer)...
life is strange...i'd never want to repeat seeing that again...
except in video games...
oh well
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| grrls and pizza 2002-04-21 04:54:44 ET |
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maybe its not all grrlz but....(mine) they really put some gross stuff on pizza...i'm trying to ignore the black olives on a cold slice, and the feta? cheese isn't too disturbing...but why is there gacomolee (spell?) on this thing...*shakes his head*
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| i'm starting to ... 2002-04-21 03:09:17 ET |
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get back logged on projects for local bands, i have 3 cd covers and some fliers to do, not to mention my own stuff...i think i need to find some other artists to halpe me out....
i just got off work a couple minutes ago...i work basically security at an art musuem third shift...its great and it sucks...like all jobs...i guess thats why its called work and not "happy jumpy fun time"...i work with four other people and we have all sorts of schedules and duties and patrols and blah blah blah...but i can put up with because i always get time alone with the art...in the dark...which is great...art is better by flashlight i swear....i've worked there long enough i basically make sure shit gets done then do some of it myself and sit in the control room and read books on zen...not bad...bills all my bills so i can't complain...sometimes i can get some writing in too..
and they let me get away with tattoo's and piercings...mostly due to it being a third shift job... all third shift people are crazy...all of them... i have yet to run across some one working nights who wasn't totally off there rocker... i blame it on art bell... its his fault...
later
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| i awake... 2002-04-19 12:18:12 ET |
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i awoke from a seriously disturbing dream last night...i was in a car, (a small car like a dodge omni) driving on the highway, and a truck merged into the side of it, basically throwing it off the highway, rolling it through the median and into oncoming traffic on the opposing side of the highway...the car landed on its wheels, the driver though badly injured was able to drive the vehicle off the side of the higway in time...(strange yet), then i realize where we are...only miles from my grandparents house...there are people injured in the car, for some reason i decide to go to my grandparents house (a farm), instead of wait with the injured for help...i run...i arrive...hundreds of people are there, milling about, and its hard to get from room to room, eventually i run into my grandmother...and she starts acting very strangely, some how i am able to know that my grandmother is very lonely and unhappy with her life...i sense death around her...i have to wander off...in another room i find christa the first grrl i ever dated in highschool, a very intelligent sophmore who just wants something out of me i can't give...she is much different in the room, she lays on the bed and looks very very sick...she too looks like she is going to die soon, suddenly i become aware that everyone crowded into the house is going to die or has died recently...my cousin who was killed in a head on crash is there...only he's years younger like when i first met him, not like how he was when he died...i become very afraid...does this mean i am going to die soon? i run out of the farmer house, into the small circluar drive like area that all the barns and silo's face...with the well in the middle...i stand at the well...its dark, but there are no stars, there fog out amongst the corn, something is watching me, i fight the urge to run back to the farm house...i somehow know that some unimaginable evil is watching me, waiting for me to move away from the well, maybe past a corner in which to ambush me from...i'm locked into the center of the drive...it becomes cold...everything seems purplish..and cold light blue...i wake up...
anyways...whatever that means...
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| thoughts 2002-04-18 23:04:57 ET |
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i think i'm just going to use this board to rant on...
like my website only aimed at all you freaks here...
so i'm sitting here in my little computer closet...it actually is a closet...with two doors, kind of a front door and a backdoor one leading to the living room one to the bathrom...i stuffed my desk in here and some christmas lights and all my shit, its...like my cave...i read in some psych text book somewhere that all men have there caves...places they go that are "sacred" to them...my fathers cave led to my parents divorce...he was a musician, and completely neglected his family to pratice pratice pratice on his guitar....it scares me to draw down conclusions like that...i spend all my time (well not all my time) in my cave making digital art....the parrallels are right there, he is now like 47 years old never got remmarried and owns his own in-house studio basically...he's never been commercially accepted with his music and he has hundreds of unfinished dreams...
one of my biggest fears is that i will end up like him, slaving away alone in my room to no avail, never getting any recognition for my art, never getting satisfied with the level of fame i have achieved....
i guess if i keep this in mind i can atleast use it as a focus...maybe it'll continue to drive me foreward and push me...maybe i'll learn to balance out my life...who knows
here in indy the only cool coffeehouse we had closed and got turned into a parking lot, so i'm now going through withdrawals for intellectual debates....i need some one to argue with i need some one to offend and annoy and spar with...its close to impossible now...the only people i see all the time are my friends so we basically all hold the same truths to be self evident....and you can't start a good arguement in a bar, the alcohol always leads to fights...
enough for now...
oh yeah and my grrl pointed out that people might get confused by my first post, in the end the nothing i found...its a form of enlightenment, satori if your a buddhist... next post will be on satori i swear...
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