2003-12-29 10:22:13 ET

in such a good mood..
stuff and yeah.
still sick. which sucks.
need to get ready for the new year.
must be better than the last

It's back
2003-12-22 08:30:37 ET

I am so excited, its been so long.
I am finally happy about Christmas, i have the whole christmas spirt.
and i am so happy.
and i am glad

Here's the story
2003-12-14 21:23:01 ET

My Other roommate Sammy is moving out in a few months and the truth is I'm not upset about it. She has been blowing Amanda and I off for the past month. And she gave us the bills for this month yesterday and they are due tomorrow. WTF! It pisses me off a lot that she is being childish like that though considering she is eight years older than we are. Just because we are not neat freaks or completely tidy she is being very petty about it.
GAH! So Amanda and I are going to put an add in papers around Campus to find some one like-minded and some one who is reliable. :) It's always a good thing to be reliable.
So yes. Around February or March she will be moving out. And I am just really fine with it, strange two months ago when she was thinking about moving out I was upset, but now I don't give a fuck either way.
Oh well.
Life goes on and what not.
So yeah that's how life is. blah blah.

2003-12-05 09:03:35 ET

To send people Christmas cards.
Gimme your addresses people. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2003-12-03 19:33:28 ET

Well I am feeling much better. so i didnt have a thanks giving, I will live.. Friday i have an appointment with a therapist, a new one, a maybe i will accually know what the fuck is wrong with me. haha.
Well at least i dont have to work friday. :) yay . which means i can spend some time with my Mom and sister, and maybe even Brenna, THe sister i never get to see. i miss her so much i havnt seen her since her birthday which sucks but i will live.
At least I living. thats what i must keep thinking.

2003-11-22 20:57:18 ET

I am getting really depressed about not being able to see my family for thanksgiving. I mean, its not fair. and its my first one alone, and its really hard.
If i am lucky i get christmas off. i just hope i can. because i need to spend time with my family.
I am only happy about one thing about working on thanks giving i get time and a half.
i want to cry.
so i think my thanks giving will concist of movies and junk food. blah.
i need to be better.

2003-11-21 10:20:21 ET

In general I am not doing well today.
I want to cry.
i have been doing so much better lately. but today is just a down day i suppose. it sucks. I dont know what to do. i mean i have been down right chipper on some days. But today i want to die.
I dont know what to do. maybe it will be better after work. i hope any way.
i just needed to write. so bare with me alright.
life is a pain in the ass.
and i know this from too much first had experience. blah.
and yeah. i want to sleep.
i think i may call in tomorrow take a day to rest. i dont know.. i doubt that i will call in so yeah.

2003-10-29 21:09:48 ET

Spiraling down
Quickly comes the ground
Fighting hard to stay awake
Trying to make no mistake
Fighting demons only to find
The monsters I seek are all in my mind
Torching my very own soul
My want, my will, all-hiding in the hole
Tugging, ripping at my brain
All seemingly driving me insane
Skirmishing hard to stay alive
Running from the one with the very large knife.

Crystallynn Caulfield

2003-10-29 12:01:12 ET

I am supposed to have one.
I mean, I am 20 years old and I dont even have many friends.
Real friends I mean.
I love my friends on here, and the few I accually know in person are great.
But, the people I have wanted to stay friends with are gone. I have tried so hard to be someone, anyone, who is happy. But im not, I never new i was a cynic, but i more resently found out that is exactly what i am.
And now more then ever i wish i could just stay home and here forever.
I am perfectly content on staying in the house and being depressed all the fucking time, and that isnt right.
Its just not right.
I cant think, too much all at once.
more later.

2003-10-26 10:12:39 ET

Dont wanna go to work.. but if i dont i will be bored.
blah. ok..

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