2005-02-14 09:56:26 ET

Wow...sure wish I had the classic bleeding-heart "I'll never find true love" syndrome for this wierd and questionable holiday, but instead, I feel...well, tell you the truth, I feel virile!!! YOU KNOW YOU HEARD IT! I'M FULL OF VIRILITY!!! COME AND FUCK ME TILL I CRY!!! COME AND FUCK ME TILL I DIE!!!

Wow...lame? Yes, but I think that'd kinda be cool to throw into a song. I'll get on it right away. Hit me up in a year and I'll have it ready. Until then, fetch me a bottle of whiskey and a pack of cigerettes. And pick up some food on the way. Oh, and before you get back, can you try to put on something a little more enticing? What? Is it rude for me to ask that you look at least half-way decent on this wierd and questionable holiday? Whatever. JUST DON'T FORGET THE WHISKEY AND THE FUCKING CIGERETTES!!!

And with that wierd and questionable digression, I shall bid goodbye and hope that all of you get what you want on this wierd and questionable holiday. And please, remember one thing: DANIEL LOVES HIS FRIENDS AND IS DOWN FOR THE 187 ANYTIME!!!

Here's a quote for all you soppy, pissy, sore, bitter, heart-bleeding muthafuckas:

"The shamefaced suffering of the abandoned lover is not so much due to being no longer loved as to knowing that the other partner can and must love again."


2005-01-19 16:52:10 ET

I just bought myself some super-bomb-smelling oils from this place called Shades of Africa. My god, I cannot tell you how good it smells! It's kinda musky, a subtle touch of sweetness mixed with a patchulli-esqe body, but not totally skunky. The smell reminds me of a forest green. Now I wanna cozy-up with some candles and some weed and read a book, which I think I shall do!

I'm so fucking happy to finally have a great smell to wear!!!

Men are from sperm and egg, women are from sperm and egg
2005-01-17 20:54:35 ET

Have you ever read that fucking book "Men are from mars, women are from venus?" That book is for retards! I pity any pathetic fool who uses that book to better understand the opposite sex. Let me show you some quotes from a section called...

"101 Ways to Score Points with a Woman"

3. Practice listening and asking questions.
33. Wash before having sex or put on a cologne if she likes that.
50. Take pictures of her on special occasions.
81. Ask her how she is feeling.
87. Verbally say thank you when she does things for you.
66. Help with recycling the trash.
64. Buy some good Super Glue to fix things that are broken.

Yep, you heard it! The ladies sweat over a man who can fix shit with super glue! I mean, you really need someone to tell you to listen and ask questions? Or to take a shower before fucking if you smell like shit due to working at the coal factory all day?

Oh, and how do you non-verbally say 'thank you,' and what type of asshole uses this method on a regular basis? Is it just like a nod and a grunt? Or maybe it's the type of guy who "says" 'Thank you' by means of grabbing your ass? THAT'S THE TYPE OF MAN I AM!

Jump to page: [Previous] 1 « 3 4 5 6 7 » 46 [Next]
Back to De Funkt's page