The Family Plumber
2004-12-20 23:58:46 ET

I was talking to a friend today, whilst getting mexican food, about a movie plot I came up with:

-There'd be this plumber who always serviced this one family's home. And he was known as "The Family Plumber." But the fun thing about this 'family plumber' is that he is simultaneously having sexual relations with EVERYONE in the family, even the kids!

-I was thinking that it'd be all erotic and hardcore at moments. I was thinking of scenes that would involve underage sex. I think those scenes would be best treated with alluding sequences, courses of physical action that sort've lead to the inevitable, where the imagination of the audience ultimately does the work.

-Then, with the overage sex, you can have outright nudity and boobies and shots of wienees and sweat and all that! And it can be all emotional!

-Then, at the end, the audience would find that each family member was secretly causing mishap and meyham with the plumbing in the house, thus prompting the Family Plumber to return and give 'em all some hot secret sex!!! And that'd be the end.

It's be one of those movies that end all non-existent. Movies like that are kinda stupid. But that's probably my favorite type of ending to a movie, one that ends in pretentious meaninglessness - they feel the best.

Slightly offensive, depending on whether or not you suck!
2004-12-10 09:06:48 ET

I said it once and I'll say it again...there are some fuckin' knarly-ass muthafuckas up in this bitch!!! Scary people from the middle of America! Boys who still rock their momma's black eyeliner on their lips! EWWWW!!! Or gothic girls who maintain a Christian faith. I always thought being gothic was all about evil shit, but whatever. Hey wait, is that store "Torrid" nationwide?

"Torrid." That store blows my muthafuckin' mind! I'm not trying to dis anyone in particular. I'm just saying that I find it amazing that there is such a solid demographic of plus-size gothic girls that someone can unleash a chain of stores and make bank. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about plus-size clothing stores. I mean, we all need clothes (and heaven forbid we actually make our own clothes...that's why God made Asia!), but for there to be a store that caters specifically towards plus-size gothic women, that's off-the-hizzy. I mean, why don't they just make a girl's gothic clothing store that caters to all sizes? Wouldn't they make more money? I don't get it, but whatever. I guess it's a plus-size thing.

So yeah, I'm here, wasting my precious muthafuckin' time. I need to do laundry today. I FUCKIN' HATE WASTING MY DAY OFF DOING THAT TYPE-O-SHIT! ARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Then I got some other bullshit to attend to. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!WON'T SOMEBODY SAVE ME???????

You see what kind of person I am before caffiene? No es bueno!!!

i'm here, i'm queer, and I like beer (I meant queer as in "strange," you homophobe!!!
2004-09-14 14:31:32 ET

Hey, I can't talk long 'cause I'm at school right now and some parapelegic kid is mad-doggin' me 'cause there's no free computers and I'm using the handicap port. I mean, mad-dogs are one thing, but a mad-dog from Mr. Roboto is something totally different.

Okay, forget that those offensive words came out of my computer-mouth and concentrate your thoughts on the words I'm about to write.

Yeah, I moved! I live in the mutha-fuckin hood!!! But I like it. At first, I was paranoid that I was gonna get jacked or someone was gonna start some shit, but it's actually really comfortable. There's nothing but ugly people all around me. I can drink beer anywhere! Shit, I don't even have to wear clothes if I don't want to; a lot of people exercise that option and it's all good!

Yeah, it's nice having my own room and all that. Plus I'm feeling the clenches of that previous engagement slowly relenquish its grip. I feel a lot better. I still don't have the internet at home...I'm working on that.

So yeah, that kid that's still mad-doggin' my ass is really starting to freak me out, so I'm gonna go now. But yo, I love all y'all and will try to talk to you soon.

Peace baby!

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