Beautiful Grey Sky    2003-09-21 19:10:58 ET
This is something really interesting: It has been raining for almost 2 days in a row. Hereís normally a desertís weather, but since yesterday the sun hasnít shown up! All this week, the mornings were cloudy and then very sunny, but since Friday in the afternoon became cloudy and started to rain at night, then Saturday morning cloudy with rain, and all of the rest of the day the whole city kept wet, at night, still raining. Today, Sunday at morning was still raining; right night is 11 pm and I still hear the raindrops. But the even stranger is that within these (almost 3) days, it hasnít been a deep rain like other times (one day or one moment-rain), it has been a very soft and delicate rain; really thin raindrops, no windy weather, just calmed, cloudy and softly-rain. Yet, since the rainís been constant, there are lots of huge puddles of water in every street I cross. I donít if if for tomorrow is still going to be like this, but at least Iím glad that the evil sun is away for now.

 Struggle and drowning.    2003-09-19 21:46:56 ET
What a fucking life...
Yesterday... I woke up late, so I had to take a taxi for school, when arrived I noticed that part of my bag pack was open, I didnít find my calculator, which means I probably left it on the taxi. Then had an exam, which I donít feel like I did well on it, crap. Back home had to but a new calculator. At night had the rehearsal, I think I sucked too, I was playing horrible.
Today... I woke up early, had another test, I sucked as well. What fucking else? Well, so today it was the thing about the painting contest, there, I got very disappointed, not for me, I didnít won anything, I recognized a lot of damn good works, Iím nothing but a damn amateur fanatic painter, Iím truly a crap, I now that, but what bothered me was that there were many ďworksĒ terribly awful, pure shit, disgusting pieces of crap; I donít understand it, Iím really, really sick of this new modern art, pop art, abstract art, or fucking whatever the shit of name you want to call it. Iíll never accept that shit as art. Since when did one of the seven fine arts become something this horrible? I canít stand it, what the fuck is a lot of paint mixed the crap out without forms just shot there in a canvass? I fucking hate it. I donít know who was the fucking asshole who started all the new modern-thing art, I know I donít draw and paint that well, but whatís all the freaking deformed crap? All those shitting snobbish rich people, of course, these artists paint all the bullshit so they can think ďoh, this is too weird, I canít understand it so it means itís goodĒ. Fuck, I should have been born either on a past century or in another planet. Nothing seem to be going good for me lately: the fucked ups of yesterday, the shitty paintings from a while ago, I had even planned -after the painting contest- to see an orchestra playing the famous Adagio and Violin Concerto of Samuel Barber because the painting shit was supposed to be at 7 pm and the concert at 8:30, but of course, I live within bastard humans, and they painting stuff started at 7:40, ending about at 8:45 pm, so I couldnít go to the concert.
Why, fucking why? This crap writing hasnít demonstrated but my pathetic evidence of how Iím completely useless at what I want to do. Iím not of those fucking teenagers complaining that they donít like school, if Iím going to school right now is because I do fucking want to learn and study something I like, yet I seem to be a shitty failure, so I try to complement it with drawing and music, and Iím also uncared for people; every single shit I want I canít do it well ironically because I want them too much. This all crap-about is only resumed as how I go from disillusioned and depressed to angsty and upset about most people out there, yet returning to a new pathetic, sad and depressed feeling. I sound so bitter I think Iím close to death, like a very old man about to die. Yes, lately all this suffering has made want to be dead, not like always that Iím uninterested for life or death, but lately do wanting to end it all, to die, to vanish, to never exist, yet I cannot die right now, I promised to a friend I was going to help her sister on a school project, and Iíd feel bad if I donít do it, so I cannot die, at least after November... heh, whatever, maybe I just need to relax, but what for? I know Iíll be this bitter sooner or later again; Iím still going to be a pathetic human waste Iíd like to at least be unaware of it, Iím tired, really fucking tired of always knowing Iím going down by my own fault.

 Psycho-testing    2003-09-16 18:28:58 ET
I have a very nice friend whom is very smart, paints and plays the cello in the orchestra, her name is Sophie, well, she had commented me that her older sister is studying psychology, and that sometimes she had to put like psychological tests on people for her homework or something, I told her that it would be interesting to have those tests, then some time after, now her sister wants me to be part of some project for school, in which sheíll be asking me questions and then is going to put me in one of those rooms like in the movies were thereís a glass which inside I only see it as a mirror, but from outside they can see me, quite funny, I guess itís going to be amusing. Itís going to be something new too, because I normally despise a lot psychologists, itís not my fault, every psychologist Iíve met I dislike a lot, but since Sophie is a close friend, I guess her sister is going to be nice and not dislike her.

Well, I also downloaded the Demons & Wizards album but havenít had much time to listen to it because my portable Cd player is still damaged, I need to get it fixed, damn, so I can hear music at some annoying places were I donít want to listen to others. Then again, I don't have enough of musician skills, as much as I practice I don't know how am I supposed to play this?

 Send a painting for a contest.    2003-09-12 20:12:16 ET
Again here I am, a bit absent this web because I was somehow busy at nights trying to finish the painting, finally I finished it yesterday and delivered today. The wining results will be showing on Sept. 19 (next Friday). When I went to the place there, I saw other works, 2 of them were really damn great works, damn, really good ones, I have no chance to compete with them, now I understand that I did this just to participate, not as a contest perhaps. I only have one more picture of an advance of how was I going, but I forgot to take the picture of the final result of my painting, so Iíll be taking it next Friday and thus also take pictures from the others.

I must add to this that Iím not happy with the result, Iím definitely not satisfied with my painting, one reason because I hadnít much time or dedication, second because Iíve realized once again that Iím just a terrible amateur painter; itís a hole world of difference from drawing and sketching with ink pens or pencils to painting, I suck at getting the exact color I wanted, I spend a lot of time mixing colors to get something I wanted, I need instruct of how using oils, dammit. Oh well, I guess Iíll return Ėfor now- to sketching and drawing with pens.

 Return of Art's attack!    2003-09-05 22:57:36 ET
Well, well, it really had been some time since I didnít show up here, this time wasnít because I was busy or had few time, but because I had been having troubles with the internet connection, so we decided to finally try cable connection, though itís a really simple connection (64K) I know, it works just a bit faster than the regular modem, I donít much hurry for downloading crazy stuff and having super fast connections, I just needed something that wasnít too slow and that worked well, so itís kind of a relief now.

Well now that Iím Ďbackí I should be updating myself to see whatís new around here. I did wanted to post many entries while I couldnít connect, but now that Iím here I just donít know what to post about.

First, Iím not so sure how I am doing on school, it always seems to me that Iím doing better at classes or mathematic homework problems that at exams. I guess thatís always been my woe. Always doing better at practice or rehearsal situations of my life than when confronting it. Also at school I since a two days ago I started playing chess... it had been ages since I didnít play chess, I enjoy playing it, I suck though, Iím not good, I just know some few moves and tricks but Iím not as systematized as good players are. Oh well, itís an amusing game for me.

As said on previous entry, Iím doing a painting for a contest thing about painting something that involves or represents music. And it has taken me longer that I expected, I shall have it finished for Tuesday or Wednesday so that it may be dry when delivering it to the contest thing (due to next Friday). I wanted to paint today but I guess itís a bit late now. Here and here are two new samples.

Finalizing, on the music scene, Iím taking some extra courses about learning more about music theory, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays having rehearsals with the orchestra; now let me say that the director said that since some integrants were taking it to easy, he said that now a requisite to be playing there is to play at least one Concert on our instrument, so yes, he gave me one, the ironic thing is that the one Iíll be playing I gave him the score and sheet music, heh, Iíve gave him another two ones but those are for other players, anyway, so we all now should be playing either a Cello concerto, a Viola Concerto or (in my case) a Violin Concerto, but just the first movement. The one Iím practicing is J.S.Bachís Violin Concerto in A minor. Damn it is one difficult piece, really, Bach wrote plenty difficult stuff. I also gave the director the score for the Double Violin Concerto in D minor (a well know and difficult one) and the Violin Concerto in E major also from Bach. Others are playing Vivaldiís Concerto Grosso in A minor, Vivaldiís Cello Concerto in G minor and Concerto for 2 cellos, and Telemannís Viola Concerto and Concerto for 2 Violas. As I can see the most difficult ones are Bachís and Vivaldiís concertos.

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