2002-10-11 11:22:39 ET
i have realized that my life really sucks...and that i have nobody to blame but myself.

 sad but true....    2002-10-10 16:02:57 ET
dyed my hair.i needed a change....

the middle hawk is still black...one side is green...the other pink....

feeling lonely today. i wish i had something....maybe sombody to love me for me the way i am, but i never seem to be good enough for anyone and i always end up hating myself over it. i think people just want to desrtoy me.

i wish i were better at conversation and did not always say the wrong things.

i miss what brandon and i had...that is a whole different story with a sad ending.

i need siome good friends here...some that i really have things in common with...

i should work on school work.

     2002-10-08 16:57:09 ET
i saw sahara hotnights play last night and they were great.

you know....sometimes i just want to be left alone and i get the opposite...sometimes it is all of the wrong people and never the right ones...life gets complicated and sometimes i don't know what i want...sometimes i think i need a big change...sometimes i think it is far too late to change anything at this point (i am 24 years old)...i have realized a few things...i don't want a career in the arts...i already have a BFA and here i am working on my masters degree and i realize i have made what may be a mistake...one that i might be stuck with...but here i am having to design jewelry and attend classes...and i force myself to do it out of a feeling of obligation...or lack of something to do...played my guitar and bass today and realized how much i missed it...how much i miss a lot of things...i am wondering what the fuck i am doing in graduate school...i don't think it is the right place for me at this point in my life...i have dreams...but don't know where to start...i feel a spell of me being antisocial coming on...i need something...but don't know what.

     2002-09-30 19:26:20 ET
must study more in advance....i am gonna go work on school stuff now i think.

     2002-09-30 05:51:29 ET
i am about to go take a test that i am not prepaired for.

i hate graduate school.

should have just gotten a damn job.

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