?    2004-02-17 20:38:30 ET
i pre-appologize for the spelling; im still half asleep.
so, monday i did my second psychometric test. i hope i did better on this one, though i didnt really care for it when i took it. i guess its one of those things.
yesterday i headed south cause i got summoned to a freakin' reserve army service. i guess that's what really pisses me off about living in this country: you never know when you're gonna have to play "army-boi"... so i took a ride with my dad who went south too cause he had some buisness there. when i got there it turned out that out of the 21 days i got called for i only have to do 3 days - good, but those three days are this weekend - bad. oh well, spending 3 days as a medic isnt that bad. i got alot of reading to do. too bad that that 40 year-old guy i'm replacing is taking his PS2 back home with him.

tonight i had the strangest dream: i was entering my grandfather's synagoge and there was this massive party going on there, techno-metal stuff, and all the old guys just stood there and smiled. then my grandfather (who's already passed-away) put a talit (a jewish cloth) on my shoulders, huged me and said that he's sorry that i came on such a bad day/time. this dream didnt feel religious at all, despite all the icons. its just gave me... a pleasent feeling.

 everybody knows whats going on in the world    2004-02-09 03:47:58 ET
so what the hell is going on in myself?

as i woke up today i realized i got nothing. all those things i do, i just do it outta boredem. so i guess that was my wake-up call. at the end of this month i'll be free of all obligations made, and i think this time i'll just get the hell out of here. out of this house, out of this country, out of this rancid state of mind.

but then again, will running away will make it all better?

what do you do when you're 22 and got no clue where that time-waster you call life is going?

 the sons of bitches... the soil is rancid.    2003-12-13 14:54:27 ET
its 2:30 AM and i'm unlocking my front door. downstairs in my room skinny puppy's "worlock" is playing on my endless playlist loop, and upstairs by my computer my hamsters, kobi and ricky are running on their little wheel totaly synchronized with peaches's "AA XXX".
i just got back from this dark 80's party. it took me back, like a time warp, to the time when i was 17. i was flooded with those strange memories that never came up before.
in my little alchohol-infested head i was back in 1998... when i listened to virgin prunes and sheep on drugs tapes, and hanged for this short and really confusing time with those three amazing older girls.
a certain night comes back in my memory,when we went outdoors, smoked ourselves stupid and laid under this tiny bridge in the railroads face-up, looking at the stars, waiting for a train to pass above us.
and as that memory struck me, i felt so growned up and drained... like i can never do things like that again. furthermore, i realized how much i liked those girls. and i realized how alone i am now.
my hamsters went back into their little igloo and fell asleep, and im sitting here alone in the dark, thinking of all those chances i had and missed.


 just.    2003-12-02 14:57:23 ET
im sitting in my cousin apartment in Tel-Aviv waiting for the water to hit up so i can take a shower. tomorrow i gotta work at a theatre near by, and then go straight to a class, so i decided going home is kindda dumb. so i'm passing time, playing with her dog, trying to snap out of my caffein buzz... its kindda hard, i'm all hyper and shit.
nothing exciting.
oh, well, time to wash off all that filth.

 down in it... really deep.    2003-11-01 13:44:13 ET
this week has been like a playable demo for HELL.
it started like every other shitty week. but then on monday night there was a fire in my family's business.
i dont know if i ever mentioned it, but my mom and dad runs this awsome event garden for weddings and stuff like that (www.sabawell.com - its a really crappy and old site) and on monday night at around 4:00 AM a fire stated and large parts of the winter structure (we hold the events out in the open in the summertime) got burned.
ever since that night i've been working non-stop, both at my regular job and im my parents place, trying to get the place back to normal and running again. that ,offcourse, made me do a lot of cancelling in my regular job, and i'm really scared that im gonna get kicked the hell out.
i dont think it really got to me untill today. i was working with my father's workers, trying to clean the smog from the main structure-beams when i suddenly realized how bad is the damage, and i just set there on the burned wooden floor and stared at the place for an hour or so.
i really hope i'll make it through this week, because i have a strange feeling that its going to be worse.
right now, as i go to sleep, i really wish i could crewl under a rock and hyde there for a few days. maybe years.

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