Inspiration...    2003-10-21 06:11:01 ET
My friend wrote this amazing poem that I was reading this morning and there were these two lines that just inspired me to just scribble my thoughts on a page and so I wanted to post my little "emotional exfoliation". hehe...

The two lines were "Search my heart as you Search my eyes". And it just made me reflect on my generation and my sister's generation(even though she is only 5 years younger but yet so different) and future generations to come.

I view the eyes as a window into the soul and only real truth is the emotion in a person's eyes. We can all fake the motions but we cannot control the truth in our eyes. I have begun to solely look into a person's eyes and see almost everything that they are feeling(hope, despair, longing, trust) and forget about everything else.

It's just incredible how not enough people think about that when they speak to a person... we have the phone, the instant messengers, the journal sites, the discussion pages and that's all great but it seems that no one stops to look into a person's eyes anymore. We are just too busy to look for the truth in a person. We want only the placebo of having someone there and not the true feeling of knowing someone cares. The more and more relationships I see with the people around me, be it romance, friendship, or just common acquantances, it's all just there to make a person feel like others care without the reality of it all.

We have been passing into a period of time, for quite a while now, where the emotion is no longer the emotional itself but in fact the physical. The love that used to be there has been replaced with animalistic lust, pure jealous passion and the basic desire to "fit-in". We all want what other people have and think that the measure of happiness is having and not loving.

Trophy wives. Sugar Daddies. Divorce. Bling-Bling.


Okay Funny Southpark Quote to Lighten the Mood:
Mr. Garrison: "What is Sexual Harassment? Yes Eric?"
Eric Cartman: "When you are trying to have intercourse with a lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind."
1 comment

 Losing you one second at a time...    2003-10-17 22:54:31 ET
Well my friend Britt of over a year and half... the first girl I ever met at Texas A&M, is slowly distancing herself from me for some reason. It started around a month ago. I introduced her to my friend Matt and it seemed cool. I liked having them both be friends and all that so it was awesome cuz we 3 got a long realy well.

Matt was a little jealous at first of me and her cuz we were such good friends but it didn't make sense... I mean how can you make a freindship of a month become closer than one of over a year. I just kind of pushed that out of my mind and I just tried to get them closer and all that. We all need more friends right?

So when my Great-Grandfather died I was really sad and very closed off. And one night me and Britt had been talking for almost 4 hours in her car and she said something about a song and I was listening to the words and just was overcome and started crying my eyes out and she just held me there... but for some reason I didn't feel embarassed. I was strangely comfortable about the whole thing and really felt closer to her. But still in that friends way. I mean she is the most beautiful girl I know but she has had boyfriends during our whole friendship and so I see her as being unattainable. Just a friend and I like that nonstressful environment.

About 3 days later she is about to go visit her boyfriend in El Paso and talks me til 3 in the morning telling me how she want's me to know her true intentions towards me and all this stuff about how she doesn't want to lead me on. I'm just in complete shock cuz I have seriously done nothing at all to make her think that I don't just see her as a friend. Well she gives the same talk to Matt... understandable because Matt is very flirty.

So it has been a week and I have been hanging out with Matt every once in while and he has gotten a call from Britt everytime I've been with him but she HAS NOT CALLED ME ONCE THIS WEEK.

Zero. None. Nothin.

And tells him to tell me "Hi" for her.

How shitty is that?!?! She's one of my really good friends and she starts doing this shit to me. She hangs out with him all the time. Not me. She calls him all the time. Not me. I am getting the shaft like crazy.

GIRLS seriously suck... you try and be their friends and they ditch you for their friends... you try and be more they give you the "intentions" talk... you try and ignore them they get in your face.

Well I salute the FEMALE GENDER for being SO DAMN CONFUSING!!! CONGRATS!!! You all are up there with the whole teen years of Jesus being missing from the Bible and how you can turn on your whole house using one remote but have to use three for your Tv.


 I need a new dream...    2003-10-14 12:32:54 ET
Since I have been consistently writing songs and lyrics on my poetry site, I am falling further and further into a dream of starting a band. It almost hurts how much I feel it inside me to perform... It's like this amazing driving force that leaves me exhausted at the end of each day.

I want this so bad and yet cannot have it. I have no money. I have no real ability at singing or drumming or anything for that matter. I'm just a fool with a Bass and an Acoustic Guitar and a very creative mind...

I am constantly losing myself in my playing. The other day I sat down on my bed and just started playing and my roommate left and came back and left again to only return once mor eto me playing still. 2 hours... and I didn't realize it until I got up and almost collapsed from the pain of my numb legs. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

"Talking is just mastubating without the mess.."

 Hmmm... Thoughts on a Page    2003-10-12 21:14:07 ET
I was having a discussion on religion with my friend Matt and we were sharing our thoughts on the bible. I feel that if you go by it's literal translation you lose out on a lot of the things it's saying. I believe it as something to live according to.

Now I'm not saying the Bible is not important. It's the cornerstone of one's Christian Faith. I'm just saying that when you get caught up in the literal translation of everything you become too worried about the consequences rather than really enjoying religion and the love of God. I see this as the reason for the birth of the denominations(which I don't agree with). Some scholar sees a way to tweak some meanings in the Bible to make it more "understandable" and Boom! A new denomination of believers is formed and you have further inconclusive feelings on Christianity.

What do you all think?

 High Fidelity...    2003-10-09 21:50:41 ET
Well I decided to watch a John Cusack film tonight and chose the great High Fidelity and just had a blast rediscovering all that is great about that movie before I went and studied for my Accounting Test that I have tomorrow at 9:00am.

I have chosen a great quote from that movie that really speaks to me right now...

"I'm tired of the fantasy because it doesn't really exist and there never really are any suprises and it never really..."
"...Delivers...right... and I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you."

Thoughts and Criticism are welcome.

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