Grrr..........    2005-01-15 23:33:04 ET
I could just keep the title and that would perfectly describe my mood of late. I have not updated in quite a time, for that I must muster some sort of apology:
Bart: "Oh, but all my apologies seem so forced."
Marge: "Bart!"
Bart: "I'm sorry."
Marge: "That's better."
*Bart chuckling wickedly under his breath*
Ah, nothing like a witicism from the Simpsons to get the ball rolling the right way. So, yeah, my first issue comes from, drum roll please, my current employment status, I am still employed, but one would never know from how much I am working now, around 10 hours a week. Yep, you heard me, a whole whopping ten hours a week! You would think that since I have worked there for nearly a year and a half, at that god forsaken subkulture cesspool, that that would leave me in some sort of good standing among my peers. Wrong, of course, I have now come to realize that to them, I am merely another cog in the retail machine that is Hot Topic, they are no better and no worse than any other retail company, except for the fact that they are liberal with the dress code and the discount is significant but other than that, there is no real reason to even consider working there unless you are entering into a management position, that is the only time I could even recommend wanting to work there, I am that disillusioned with them currently.
I am now confronted with the inevitibility that I am going to be forced to get a full time job, something I never wanted to do, as I have aspirations to finally attend college and perhaps make something of myself after several years of idling. Getting a full time job is going to impact that, since I doubt I will have much free time in which to pursue school activities, what with saving up for a car and perhaps finally moving out. Yes, I am now currently debating not accompanying my parents to Missouri when they move this summer, I am still undecided but I am leaning towards not at this time, it may just be that I am so currently irritated with practically every aspect of my life as of now.
Plus, my lack of hours and the pathetic amount I currently make working in retail Hell is impacting my plans to go to Florida and visit my best friend at the end of Feburary which has been on my mind for the last few days, making me feel absolutely awful and terribly guilty, as it is either going to Florida and probably not paying for the cosplays or paying for the cosplays and not being able to go to Florida, plus there are two birthdays that are coming up at the end of the month, my best friend Luci's and my friend Johnathan's, interestingly enough, only two days apart, odd, that. Feh, the plane ticket alone is probably going to be around $250! *Hands on the side of my head* Argh, so many things that are going to require cash that I simply do not have, short of selling my body, I doubt I am going to be able to save up enough. Heh, and no smart ass comments about the selling my body line either, I know you naughty souls, give you an opening... Hopefully, my ebay auctions that I shall post early this next week will help me out with my situation, and some of my dear friends owe me money as well, which should also aide my current financial situation, at least slightly. Well, I am not going to be completely pessimistic as of yet, who knows, anything can happen in the space of a few weeks, and if anyone has any ideas, let me know, I am open for some sound advice. Once again, I apologize, this time for subjecting you to yet another tired rant, as if you do not get enough of those already! ~_^

 Early Morning Ramblings    2005-01-03 23:30:27 ET
Allo all. I hope you had a safe and happy New Year. I did, though mine was almost the New Year that was not since my parents were a bit meh on the idea of my going out, what with all the evil drunk drivers bent on killing themselves and anyone else who happens to be in their way. Talk about paranoia, I mean, tens of millions of people go out to celebrate New Years and how many of those actually get injured or die, I am guessing not an overly large number. I went to an intimate get together with a few friends and we spent the evening indoors, watching horror films and there was much assorted merry making. We watched Phantasm, heh, I forgot just how campy that movie is, we laughed most of the time while watching it, everyone should watch the movie, it is funnier than most comedies movies. At midnight, we toasted the New Year with delicious sour apple Smirnoffs, mm, Smirnoff.
And once again, the desire to rant about work is prevalent within me. I got a total of eight hours of work this week, eight hours! That is insane, I mean, that is only two shifts, and I was the lucky one, everyone else received one shift I believe, so yes, I am special I suppose. Sales associate seniority means nothing at the H-Tizzle, I have come to realize that now, we are keeping three of our seasonals though none of them stood out particularly much, I would be perfectly content just keeping the people we had before, at least than we would all receive more hours. Feh, I am such a bitch sometimes, I suppose I am like most other human beings in the respect that I am generally focused solely on my own needs and desires, it is inherent in all us glorified animals to concentrate on our own survival, sad, but true. Ah well, at least I will be going to Maschine on Wednesday though that does mean I will have to forgo my usual amount of sleep since I must be at work by 7:00am in the morning, one of the two days I work and it is at 7:00 in the morning, I mean, do they know, is that what it is, this is their way of punishing me for ever wanting to work retail!
I went to Chamber on Sunday, it was fun, though most of the time was spent conversing with friends on the smoking patio, freezing in the cold of the night and being rained upon, which was irking me since drops of water kept dripping off the umbrella I was standing under and onto my head, shoulders, back, so forth, on my lovely, pricey coat. Ah well, it is not like I had to pay for it or anything. ~_^
As of late, I have been bitten by the reading bug, especially interested in my Angels: A-Z Encyclopedia, I am sure the interests partially hails from my reading of Angel Sanctuary lately, one of my all time favorite mangas, but most of it is just due to a general interest in such subjects though I myself lack in any real spirituality, I am simply a seeker of knowledge, wether or not it has any direct effect on my own life. Which leads me to the inevitability that is my finally returning to school. I have not sought any sort of schooling since my high school days but now, I have regained my interest in pursuing my educational interests, I think perhaps I will go for my associate in Behavioral Science, it is something that I have had an interest in for years, since my pre adolescent days, it would probably be something that I would excel at though I am getting pressure from a few people to instead major in some sort of art type thing, which would be nice, it is just an uber competitive field, there are so many talented people out there, I am merely one of them, I doubt my artwork is exceptional enough to stand out much. I am far more interested in writing anyways, I excell at creative fiction writing, in short story and perhaps even novel form, perhaps when I have more time or money, I will invest my energy in one day writing a novel, I have a limitless number of ideas, I get inspired rather easily, I can create an entire character around something as simple as a name, I have done it before. Heh, yes, I know, enough of my foolish pride for one night! ^_^

 Yea, no more holidays...except New Year...damn...    2004-12-25 22:40:33 ET
Yes, I am pleased to say that the holiday season is almost officially done and over with, until next year that is but hopefully, I will no longer be working in retail. While that is not likely to happen, I am still going to pretend as though it is going to happen eventually. And guess what, I get to work today, the day after X-Mas, one of the busiest shopping days of the year, at least we should not get the Noah's ark level flood of returns just yet, but I am bracing for that! I rung in this X-Mas holiday with double showings of one of my favorite horror movies of all time, Suspiria, yes, I was all full of the holiday spirit after that! Yesterday was so so, not too much to brag about but not much to complain about either, I was given a new CD, the DVD Videodrome, one of David Cronenberg's classic films, and $100 from my fasher, which I hope to use to help to buy me a pair of 20 Hole, steel toed Dr. Marten Boots. And I have been suddenly overtaken with an intense desire to shop, which I should chose to ignore, I need to spend my money on other things, must exercise self restraint! Oh, but what is the fun in that?
On a positive note, I was able to see the extended version of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, which was splendid, though some of the scenes that were edited from the original film, well, it was simply pointless to cut them out, some of them actually seemed to help explain certain parts of the film but ah well, maybe they thought no one would want to sit through a 4 1/2 hour movie, I did, and enjoyed it! But than I have an insane level of patience and calm, so thusly, I can sit through anything, well, anything decent anyways, I am not going to torture myself watching a 3+ hour director's cut of "Dude, Where's my Car?" Oh my lack of God, what if something like that actually existed, surely that must be one of the signs of the Apocolypse, heh, I suppose that would make Ashton Kutcher the AntiChrist, would anyone really be surprised? Yes, I know, I am just being silly now, it is late and I spent the entire day with family, brr, scariness!
And on a completely unrelated note, the latest entry on my "Strange Things that Irk Me" List, we got in this new choker, a cheap little item for baby bats to sink their fangs into, felt made to resemble velvet with an ankh hanging off of it for ornament...with skulls on it. Only Hot Topic would add skulls to the symbol of everlasting LIFE! I think I know how the mind of Hot Topic works now, look at this boring shirt/pants/skirt/dress, I know, I'll add a skull to it, that'll make it look spooky and alternative, than parents will question wether or not their kids are involved with the Occult, because if you like skulls, than you must have an affliation with Satan. *Rolls eyes, arms crossed* Am I silly for being irritated by this, like I said, my annoyance appears at odd times for usually ridiculous, unimportant things...heh, wait, do not answer that, I am silly, I know this. ;p

 -_- zzz    2004-12-21 22:38:32 ET
Feh, I am so exhausted, everything has been insanity since Thursday! Yea, my good friend Lars came back on Wednesday, heh, he called me up Thursday night and we all went to Perversions in Hollywood. I almost declined the invitation, I had to work till 7:00pm that evening but I simply could not pass up the chance to hang out with Lars and his lovely girlfriend Natascha and her sweet friend Alex. I did not regret my decision since we had a great time and they actually played some decent music, after the first hour or so of crap which we enthusiastically poked fun at. I danced to five songs I believe, which is rare for me, an unusually high number, among them being Megalomaniac by KMFDM and Cause it's Hot by Thrill Kill Kult, which almost killed me, that bloody song is over ten minutes long, I am never doing that again, I do not have that much energy to begin with!
On Friday, I had the day off so Lars and I went shopping for Christmas/b-day gifts for Natascha and himself, I do believe my presents were fantabulous, I do aim to please and I do enjoy outdoing other people, heh, yep, I am awful, I admit it, ask any of my friends, I buy great gifts! We went out with the expectation of going to Das Bunker but plans fell through but hey, we still had fun, went to Boba and had a late dinner at this awesome pizza place, with a very cybery theme and a enormous green Cthulu hanging in the back that I wanted to steal, too bad I would have had no room for it! >_<;<BR> Saturday was great fun, I went to the birthday party of Lars and Natascha, they have their birthdays on the same day, that's right odd that is! The wonderful Tony gave me a ride, even though we got a tad lost, which always seems to happen when I am around, I automatically throw off everyone's elses sense of direction. That, or none of my friends had senses of direction in the first place, I may be giving myself too much credit. The party was a blast, lots of cool people there, and I did what I always do in an enviornment where there is a lot of people, sit in a corner and look antisocial so no one will dare to talk to me, lest I bite their heads off, seriously, according to several people, I am scary looking. I took some pictures which I will be posting once I get them developed which might be at the end of the week, hopefully, they will turn out since I took them with a crap disposable camara and they were taken outside. Sigh, I really need a digital camara but they are so pricey! I got home rather late, well, late for the reason that I had to be at work by 6:00am that very same morning, and I got about two hours of sleep, yes, I too thought that was an excellent idea, hey, she's going to a party the night before, let's make her come in at 6:00am! ::Slaps hand against forehead:: Ah work...that is it, that is all I have to say.
Speaking of which, I hate working during the holidays, and I do not know if I have ever mentioned this before, but I hate the holidays, once again, I am nearly broke from spending money on gifts for people, I have not bought a new article of clothing in a long time, which for me is like a couple of weeks. At least I am going to post some auctions after Christmas, since people will have money and my items have the chance of going for nice prices, I still need to pay Luci for my Myoubi cosplay! Back to the holiday rant, I swear, I think I am actually developing claustrophobia from being confined in our small store with so many people, I was actually feeling physically ill today! As if there is not already enough wrong with me...alright, wow, I am just leaving myself open for some sassy remarks about that one!

 Drunk Rocker!    2004-12-12 21:52:18 ET
Heh, I was pictured on, I am all proud of myself, not the best picture of me I will say, but hardly the worst. Alas, this was after getting thrown out of Skinny Puppy, and I do not have my goggles on but all and all, a decent pic. Too bad my face is so round, but I have always had that problem, silly full cheeks. *Pinches*
So, it has been a little bit since my last post, I have not been up to much, mostly working, lots of working. As I surmised, much of the seasonal help we hired have either quit or got fired, sigh, kids these days, why, in my day, kids were responsible, polite, and, I am lying, kids have never been any of those things, least of all teenagers. I am all for raising the minimum hiring age at Hot Topic to 18 instead of 16, perhaps we would not have nearly the problems we do now. I miss last year when I met several of my good friends during our holiday seasonals, like Mr. Turbo and Mr. Shia, they are still close friends over a year later, huzzah. Today was my third day in a row working, I actually work five days in a row, than a day off, I only have two days off this week, yes, not that I terribly mind the hours, more money for me, yea, to pay for gifts and cosplays, and other such wonderful things! I bought a new purse/bag today, an olive drab messanger bag with a medical red and white cross symbol on it, I plan to purchase many industrial/gothic patches to place on it, ah, if only I could sew, I suppose I will have to contend with merely safety pinning it on. You know, I just might be able to sew, to be perfectly honest, I have never worked on a machine before and have not sewn a thing since I was in grade school, yes, that long, I am one of those types that if they do not succeed at something immediately, they usually never attempt it again! Sigh, I get discouraged easily, that seed of self doubt begins to creep in and I crawl back into my protective cocoon to shield myself from failure.
I have been trying to limit the amount of new clothing I buy, I bought a new skirt and top from, both pieces by Illig, the military sweater top is very cute but the skirt I am not terribly fond of, I wore it today but it sits too high, I prefer skirts to sit on my hips, ah well, I hate it when clothing in the same brand do not fit the same, cough*Lip Service*cough. It will probably just join the rest of the stuff that I never wear, along with several of it's Illig kin, other long skirts that I do not find the occasion to wear, looks like another rash of Ebay auctions.
Once again, I am obsessing over my weight, I want to lose 10lbs, or at least five, so I am planning on joining a fitness club while the rates are so low due to the holidays and everyone else worrying about a few extra inches. I only get chided at for mentioning this, but I do not see anything particularly wrong with wanting to better myself, heh, I still eat, just not as much and I watch what I eat more than ever now, it has helped, I look better now than I have for most of my adolescant/adult life. I am just thankful I get paid this week so I can purchase gifts and be done with it, this will be my last check of the month, I had best make it last, hopefully, in conjunction with the auctions I hope to post within the next week or so, I will have plenty of money to pay for everything. And in closing, I am quite pleased about Luciferette finishing my Myoubi cosplay, I cannot wait to see it tomorrow! ^_^

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